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Another reason we don’t work for the marriage we want is we’ve never seen a great marriage. Even worse, most of us have seen couples we thought had a good marriage get divorced!
No one fights for something they don’t think is possible. And looking around, I can understand thinking a great marriage is impossible, and a good marriage is highly unlikely.
But this perspective is wrong!
I’ve mentioned before that I was convinced it was possible to have a far better marriage than any example I’d ever seen. There is no rational reason for me to have felt this way, so I blame God. I consumed a lot of Bible between the age of eighteen and when I got married, and I’m sure that was part of what convinced me a great marriage was possible. But I think it was more than that: I think God put the hope, desire, and belief for a great marriage in my heart.
Today I have a great marriage, and I know a number of couples around the country who have the same. Great marriages come in various flavours, but all of them have certain things in common. The husband and wife are best friends. They enjoy time together. They support, laugh, touch, and encourage each other frequently. They are slow to anger, fast to forgive, and always offer grace. They work hard to not hurt each other, and speak up when they feel hurt. They apologise and forgive easily and tend to grow from rough spots.
While all those things are hallmarks of a great marriage, I don’t think they are what makes a marriage great; I think they are the natural consequences of loving openly and deeply.
Perhaps the most important thing for having a great marriage is that the couple believed they could have a great marriage. Maybe it started with just one of them, but eventually both saw it as a goal that was both desirable and possible. And once that happens, good things occur.
If you want a great marriage, I suggest you ask God to give you the belief that it’s possible. Then pray the same for your spouse. Even better, make it a joint prayer.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires believing you can!
Four years ago we had two feet of snow on the ground.
This year we have half an inch in the shade.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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