Podcast: https://bit.ly/45B50CN
A couple of thoughts on sex as related to this week’s content.
The idea that no one works for something they don’t think is possible is huge here.
Most of us come into marriage with very unrealistic expectations based on porn and popular media. Watch any R-rated movie or TV-MA series, and you are “taught” that women don’t need foreplay, and will have mind-blowing orgasms after 60 seconds of intercourse. And of course that’s not what happens.
Many women enter marriage with fear and lies about sex. Many also have some sexual frustration. When their bodies don’t do what they have seen on screens, they assume it’s them. They are broken, and sex is just not for them.
Let me be very clear: this is not true. Lori and I know plenty of women who went from thinking this to enjoying sex a great deal. From never having an orgasm to having one pretty much every day. From trying to avoid being asked for sex to eagerly seeking it. From only doing missionary in the dark to trying a number of new things and keeping many of them.
You can have great sex. What’s more, God wants you to have great sex.
The belief barrier isn’t the only obstacle. There’s also the issues of prioritising and lack of time.
In a growing number of marriages, both husband and wife say they would like to have sex more often. But they can’t find, or more accurately won’t make, time for it.
Many of these folks make up the difference by secretly masturbating. A recent study found rates of masturbation over the last decade have gone up for both men and women in relationships, but not those who are single. What’s more, most men and women who masturbate said they wanted to have intercourse more often than they were.
Some folks push themselves to have sex when they have had a long, stressful day. They try to squeeze sex in without the time or energy to do it well. This leads to poor sex, especially for the woman.
I think our less than positive feelings about sex prevent us from making sex a priority. If it happens, that’s nice. But making it a high priority seems somehow selfish.
In 1 Cor 7, when Paul talks about the importance of sex, he says a couple can’t stop having sex even by mutual agreement unless they do so for a season of prayer and fasting. This means sex is not something you do because one of you wants it. Sex is “the act of marriage”, and God expects us to do it regularly. So making it a priority isn’t selfish; it’s godly!
What would have to change to make it possible for your marriage to have mutually desired and mutually enjoyed sex more often?
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well includes regular sex.
Tilly has multiple places to sleep.
But when the sun is out, this bed is the only choice.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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