Podcast: https://bit.ly/3YReAOg
The best way to deal with the things I’ve been discussing this week is to assume your spouse is good-willed. Decide they don’t mean to hurt you, even when it feels like they must be trying to do so.
Doing this is a matter of faith and trust. Make it your default unless and until your spouse proves you wrong.
If your spouse’s actions make it impossible to believe they are good-willed, dig deeper. Is there a valid reason for your spouse to be the way they are, even if it’s not right?
If your spouse is a nurse who just got off a double shift, expecting much from them is unwise and unkind. No, they should not be upset if you make a simple request, but we understand why they might react that way. This is not about being good-willed or not; it’s about being human.
This brings us to grace. The Greek word used to talk about God’s grace in the Bible means unearned, freely given love, favour, and assistance; a gift of acceptance and forgiveness. Giving your spouse that kind of grace is another great way of dealing with differences.
Both giving grace and assuming good will are about choosing to see your spouse in a positive way. Sometimes it’s calling something that is not as if it were. That’s not an easy thing, but it’s a powerful gift for your spouse and your marriage. Sometimes our spouses will live up to how we choose to see them. And if we choose to see them badly, they may well live down to that.
Of course there are limits to this. Don’t become a doormat, and don’t put up with abuse. But do be willing to sacrifice and give when your spouse is not giving back.
~ This is Paul, and choosing to see good is Doing Marriage Well.
We don’t have enough snow. But we still have great sunsets!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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