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Is your spouse good-willed about sex?
If you said no, are they good-willed about the rest of life? Usually someone either is or is not good-willed. They may fake it in certain situations, such as at work. But if you live with someone day after month after year, you are going to see through any faking.
If you think your spouse is generally good-willed but is not good-willed about sex, you may be wrong. Let’s look at why someone might feel this way.
If your spouse wants more sex than you do, you may judge them as not good-willed about their desire because you don’t see it as valid. What if not having sex often enough really is a problem? What if it makes them feel unloved? What if they ache to be sexual with you? What if it causes them to be distracted, grumpy, or to lose sleep? If those things were true, would that explain what you see as being unloving or selfish about their desire?
If your spouse is less interested in sex than you, might there be good reasons for that? Has past abuse or wrong teaching about sex made it difficult for them to approach sex? Does pain or difficulty getting aroused make sex no fun? Do they sometimes get aroused and then find they can’t climax? Or does climax take so much time and effort that it’s not worth it? Perhaps having sex works just fine, but afterwards they feel guilty for doing it or for enjoying it. Any of these could make them seem selfish about sex, when the reality is something different.
If you think your spouse is good-willed in all but one area, be it sex or something else, I’d suggest you do some thinking about that. If you are wrong, what are you missing? If you are right, what is going on that makes them different in that one area? Once you have thought about it, discuss it with your spouse. And of course, offer grace!
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
The loft stairs are coming along nicely.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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