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This post is straight talk about Valentine’s Day for husbands.

I ended yesterday by saying how our spouse feels is a big deal on Valentine’s Day, and if we get that wrong, it can cause hurt feelings, leading to resentment or damaging intimacy. 

In recent years, there have been surveys and stories saying many women don’t care about Valentine’s or don’t want to celebrate it. But when you dig, you discover most of that stems from past disappointments; if hubby has consistently failed to make a reasonable showing for Valentine’s for years, expecting anything this year just sets one up for more pain. It’s very much a sour grapes thing; saying you don’t care protects you from disappointment.

I’ve heard a number of women say their husband doesn’t do anything, or doesn’t do enough, for Valentine’s. What I hear in their voices is resignation more than acceptance. Some try to give hubby a pass by seeing him as good-willed, but it still hurts.

If your wife has long since stopped saying anything about it, you may think you’re safe. I’d suggest you are living daily with the effect of disappointing her in the past. Rather than a big hit at Valentine’s, your relationship in general is harmed year-round. This is especially true if you also fall short on her birthday and your wedding anniversary.

If you have a history of doing little or nothing for Valentine’s Day, you have an opportunity. If the bar is low, you don’t have to do much to impress and bless her. 

You don’t have to go crazy. A small box of chocolates and/or a single red rose shows you care about her. Rather than dinner out, you could make dinner for her, even if that means takeout. Or get a nice dessert for two and share it after the kids are in bed.

Doing nothing or next to nothing sends a message you should not want to send. At the very least, say something on Valentine’s morning; something more than “Happy Valentine’s”. Tell her she is special. Tell her why you love her. Tell her how much you enjoy sharing your life with her. 

And sex? I’ll talk about that on Saturday.

~ This is Paul, and Doing Valentine’s Day Well can affect your marriage well past February 14th.

I like how willow branches turn yellow months before the leaves come out!

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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