Podcast: https://bit.ly/4tlDS57
Okay, guys, if you read along yesterday when I was talking to the ladies, you know what’s coming.
Yes, I had your back. I strongly urged women to do something sexual on Valentine’s Day. Barring illness, injury, or other difficult circumstances, it seems to me like a reasonable thing to expect on a day that is all about love.
That said, I’ve heard women talk about the issue of sex on Valentine’s Day, and I understand why some women have so much trouble with it.
The short version is it feels like, “You would if you loved me.” And that feels as manipulative and selfish in the marriage bed as it did in the backseat of a car. It feels like you’re using the day to get sex, rather than wanting her sexually. I know you don’t mean those things, but if it’s how she feels, it’s how she feels.
A lot of women feel sexually pressured most of the time. That pressure might be self-imposed or imposed by society. If you want more sex, I assure you she knows that even if you never hint about it. If you want more variety, she knows that too. And those things may nag at her even if you don’t.
If sex is difficult for your wife, doing anything for you on Feb 14th will be especially difficult. A simple hand job could be a greater act of love than you will ever know. So, if she makes any effort, please receive it as the gift it is.
If you think I’ve described your wife, then let me suggest you give her the ultimate gift this Valentine’s Day. A day or two before, let her know you don’t expect sex on Valentine’s. Tell her you wouldn’t turn her down, but you won’t feel rejected or unloved if nothing happens. Then tell yourself there won’t be any sex, and move on. A simple note might be a good way to share this gift with your wife – perhaps a more subtle way than the image for this post might suggest.
You may not understand this, and I doubt you can empathise with it. But you can accept it as truth and make a loving choice because you care about your wife. Do be sure to be just as loving and non-sexually intimate as you would be if she’d woken you up with oral sex.
~ This is Paul, and sacrifice is Doing Marriage Well.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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