Podcast: https://bit.ly/4aeMqmZ
This week is primarily aimed at the men. However, I would really like the ladies to read along and comment.
I want to talk about men and women and how we should interact, in general, and especially as husband and wife.
It is common to start a discussion of this nature among Christians by declaring oneself a complementarian or egalitarian. I can’t do that because I don’t belong to either camp.
Egalitarians believe that men and women are equal in value and have no gender-based restrictions on their roles in the home. Complementarians believe men and women are equal in value and worth but hold distinct, complementary roles, with men specifically ordained for headship in the home. Some take this pretty far; others take a more moderate view.
I am not an egalitarian because the Bible shows God sees us differently and expects us to do the same. I am not a complementarian because what some have made that, and how some have used it to limit and hurt women, is ungodly.
When I was young, I was fairly far down the hard complementarian path. If you are sloppy with scripture, it’s easy to build a biblical case for it. That, and let’s face it, if you’re a guy, what the hard complementarians teach is pretty appealing.
However, the more I studied what the Bible said and what had to be true based on what it said, the more problems I saw. Even when I read Proverbs 31, I saw a woman who was not what the complementarians say a godly woman must be. (I’ll discuss that later this week.)
More than anything, I want to be right with God. I want to know and live His truth. That is often not a fun path, but it’s the path I want. That desire has messed with a lot of my doctrines and ideas, and it has certainly had a major impact on how I see women and how I think I am supposed to treat my wife.
I realise this is a hot-button topic, and most of us have pretty set ideas. My goal this week is to get you to think. Examine what you believe. Pray and meditate on what you think about this issue. Ask God to confront you if any part of what you think falls short of His truth.
Seeking this truth isn’t just about being “right”; it’s about the real-world impact our belief has on others. I see our sisters in the Lord, our fellow heirs with Christ, suffering. I pray this series results in a few women suffering a bit less.
Before tomorrow’s post, please think about how you view your position and authority as a husband, and ask God to show you where that belief came from.
~ This is Paul, trying to do my relationship with God well!
Tilly has been accessing the loft by climbing a post.
After trying the stairs, she went back to using the post.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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“I am not a complementarian because what some have made that, and how some have used it to limit and hurt women, is ungodly.”
Using this logic, you would not call yourself a Christian.
There are good reasons for siding with or against complementarians, but this isn’t one. Otherwise, excellent blog, and looking forward to the rest of the week. Thanks for addressing the tough issues that we need to think about.
@Bill Sampson – If a group has some truth and some lies, how can I proclaim to be part of them? If a group has some truth, and does great harm, how can I not speak against them?
I do get your analogy. My church is not perfect. But I see no massive heresy, and I see people who want to be right with God and are open to truth. I would not, for example, be part of a church that preached if a woman is beaten by her husband, it’s her fault (and such churches do exist).
I used to call myself a “soft complementarian”, but then you have to explain what you meant, and you have still probably given a wrong impression.
I do believe God has given me headship with my wife. But what I see that to be is not what most complementarians see.
That said, the rest of the week won’t really touch on this, as only the hardest of complementarians would argue treating women badly is okay. And on that point, calling them hard complementarians is not accurate – they are something else. The problem is we have made it a binary choice, and there are far more views than two.