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So let’s talk about Proverbs 31. I know a lot of women hate the Proverbs 31 woman. But I think what they hate is who men have told them she is. What they hate is a false doctrine that lacks intellectual integrity and ignores basic hermeneutics. 

I’m not going to do a line-by-line study here, but I do want to point out a few things, including some lines that make the Proverbs 31 woman a rebellious wife who does not respect her husband as she is supposed to! (All text from the ESV)

Verse 16: She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Wait, she considers? She buys? Without getting permission from her husband? What a Jezebel! 

Verse 20: She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

Again she is spending money without checking with hubby. But she is doing what Jesus later commands us all to do in Matthew 25, so there is that.

Verse 24: She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.

She runs her own business, apparently without her husband watching over her shoulder. What kind of a man is this guy?

Verse 26: She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

King Lemuel really should have clarified that she only teaches women. Of course, verse one tells us the king learnt this oracle from his mother, so he probably didn’t know better.

Verse 10: An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Verse 30: Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

We are told nothing about how a Proverbs 31 woman looks. We know she takes care of herself, but she could be homely! And if she is good-looking, that’s not why her husband loves her. He must be a low-testosterone beta guy.

Okay, let me end on a serious note. All joking aside, when we look past the “rules” we’ve projected onto the text, we see some powerful things.

Verse 11: The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
Verse 23: Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

These verses tell us about her husband, but they also tell us about her.

He trusts in her. Digging into the Hebrew, he has confidence in her and feels safe and secure with her. He does not assume she is good-willed; he knows she is. He can and does count on her.

Having no lack of gain is not about what the man does; it is about who his wife is. She blesses him richly, and because of her, he lacks nothing.

In ancient cities, the gates were large places with multiple small rooms built into them. The gates were where business and politics happened. It’s where you went to learn the latest news and where legal matters were decided. To be known in the gates and to sit with the elders of the land is a big deal. And at least in part, Mr. 31 has this recognition because of who his wife is and what she does. She makes him look good!

The couple I see in this passage does not fit what many of us have been told a godly marriage is supposed to be. As I tried to point out using humour, some of it is unacceptable by some standards. And yet, Proverbs sets this marriage as an example for us. Not a checklist to make sure we are doing it “right”; it looks to me like a framework for Doing Marriage Well.

~ This is Paul, and that Proverbs 31 chick has nothing on my wife!!

The pond now has an island of ice.

Widget has it figured out.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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