Podcast: https://bit.ly/4trtLf2
When I look at women, I see beings who are not like me or the men around me. When I say that, I’m not just talking about the physical differences men so enjoy. I see significant differences in how we think, process and function. I see differences in abilities, desires, and function.
Some folks deny most of the differences. Others say the differences are created by our culture. I know that these differences are deeply rooted in our biology. Culture can and does play a part. Most of the time culture exaggerates differences based on biology. Other times culture attempts to suppress or erase things that are in us. I believe God made our bodies and minds, which means they are as they are because He wanted them that way. He said it was good. So for me to feel differently is saying God made a mistake.
Men’s and women’s brains are significantly different. Male brains have more connections within hemispheres, while women’s brains have more connections between hemispheres. These differences mean men, as a group, are better at some things than women as a group. It also means women as a group are better at other things than men as a group. Men generally have better motor and spatial skills, while women generally have superior verbal memory and social skills. Culture tends to embrace and strengthen these differences, but they start with gender differences created by God.
Sadly, men have often declared that what they do better is more important than what women do better. This comes from pride, fear, or a desire to control. It certainly has nothing to do with God. When we devalue what women do well, we hurt and limit ourselves.
The biological design isn’t accidental; it mirrors the relational purpose God described from the very beginning. “In Genesis 2:18, God makes Adam a “helper suitable for him”. We have traditionally translated that as “helpmeet”. Frankly, that translation would be like saying Jesus was a good guy. It’s not false, but it ignores a much deeper and far more important truth. The words used in Genesis really mean a strong partner and even a rescuer. That is who God made our wives to be.
Yes, God has made an order in marriage. The Bible says that, and I believe it. But how we have traditionally understood that is contrary to what God said about women. The “weaker vessel” is still a powerful force who can do great things. Our wife can do great things for us well beyond cooking, cleaning, raising children, and spreading her legs. She is so much more than this, just as we are so much more than earning a living and protecting our wife and children.
Headship is not about controlling, limiting, or restraining. Headship is about serving and honouring. It is about protecting, but it is just as much about promoting. My wife has incredible gifts. She has helped and blessed so many people, and I love seeing how God uses her. I will not allow the fact that she has breasts to keep her from being what God made her to be.
Your wife has different gifts and callings, but she very much has gifts and callings. And our world pushes against her being what God called her to be because she is female. Please help her fight this. Be her advocate. Defend her right to be who God made her the same way you would defend against someone who tried to hurt her. I believe this is part of your calling as the man blessed to be her husband.
As an aside, while my wife gives a great deal to many, I am the foremost recipient of her gifts and generosity. This is how it should be in your marriage; you should receive more from her than anyone else, and she should receive more from you than anyone else. If this is not what the two of you have, you need to figure out why and work on changing it. Limiting what our spouse gets to give or do elsewhere is both wrong and destructive.
~ This is Paul, and blessing our spouse first and the most is Doing Marriage Well.
Scientific American | How Men’s Brains Are Wired Differently than Women’s
Lori Byerly | Why I Don’t Use the Words “Help Meet”
Speaking of planting a field, Lori’s been doing cleanup in the hoop house.
The left side has strawberries that limp through the winter and then take off before the outside plants break dormancy. It gives us an early batch of strawberries and plants to replace any that die outside.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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