Podcast: https://bit.ly/3MlQ19z
When I was in high school, most guys talked about women as a collection of body parts that could be used for a guy’s sexual pleasure. They told dirty jokes that stripped women of their humanity and dignity. They bragged about pushing a date to do more than she wanted to do. It was a gross, toxic environment, and I marinated in it for years.
It’s a wonder I can see my wife as a person, especially when she is naked. And looking back, I can see I fell well short of what is right with God when we got married. I felt entitled to sex because she’d said “I do”. I would have angrily denied that back then, but I can see it now. My attitude justified my anger at her for not servicing my sexuality as I thought she should. It was not the only negative sexual message acting on me, but it was certainly there, and it certainly caused problems for us.
Far too many adult men are stuck in high school thinking with regard to how they see sex. We are surrounded by men who feel sexually entitled, from powerful men who believe that sex is theirs to take from any woman they desire to incels who despise all women for being denied the sex they think they deserve just because they have a penis.
I want to talk to you about how this may be affecting your sex life. But first, I want to beg you to look around and get angry about it. Don’t accept it as how things are. God did not make women to be sexual playthings, and it’s not okay that any man sees women that way. Please don’t accept it, and don’t give men who promote the idea a pass. You don’t have to make a big deal about it, but you can make it clear you do not agree and don’t want to hear it.
If you have sons, please work to show them something better than what the world is teaching them about sex and women. Don’t just teach them about consent; teach them women have so much more to offer than just sex. It’s not enough to tell them the truth; you must identify what they hear from other sources as wrong.
As for you, unless you grew up unusually sheltered, you were exposed to a great many unhealthy, sinful, and downright evil thoughts about sex. Being exposed to such things as your sexuality was being formed means they get down in deep. This makes it difficult to see how they may be influencing you years later in your marriage bed.
Your best option is to ask your wife what she sees in you and experiences from you that she doesn’t like. Listen carefully, and don’t get defensive! I’m not saying everything she relates is right, but if it’s a problem for her, then it’s a problem for your sex life regardless of anything else. Once you have heard from her, pray and ask God to help you see the truth.
God created sex as a beautiful, wonderful thing. Humans twisted and perverted it. God’s way is superior in every way. Seek God’s way!
~ This is Paul, and our society does not help us Do Sex Well.
Yes, it says “Rabbit Retribution”.
When we had a house rabbit, it kept him from chewing things he should not.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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