Podcast: https://bit.ly/4tONwgL
Lori and I joke that our cat thinks our dog is an ugly cat, while the dog thinks the cat is a defective dog. This joke is rooted in a reality that has significant implications for marriages: we expect others to be like us.
We expect others to do, think, and feel as we do, think, and feel. We view others through our experiences and perceptions. If you’re a dog, a cat is clearly defective. The climbing thing is kind of cool, but cats are total failures at being dogs. They don’t bark to warn, they can’t dig deep holes, and they’re horrible at chasing a stick and chewing bones!
Unless you work at doing otherwise, you expect your spouse to be a lot like you. And this causes all manner of problems for your marriage. Adding to the difficulty, your spouse expects you to be like them.
The reality is you and your spouse are different – probably very different. Some of that is based on gender, but it goes way beyond that. Personality is a big factor, as it affects how we see and interact with the world. The introvert/extrovert dynamic is a powerful factor, and most couples are one of each.
Family of origin also plays a big role. What was normal in your family seems right to you because it was your norm for the better part of two decades. Most folks don’t question the reality of their family, and finding themselves sharing a life with someone who has a different reality can be jarring.
The vast majority of this is a case of different, not wrong. Even when we accept that, we often see our way as better or more efficient. That may or may not be true for us, but our spouse is a different person, and what works for us may not be at all the best or most efficient for them.
I’ll be looking at this in various ways the rest of the week. Before that, may I suggest you spend some time considering how your spouse differs from you and why that is?
~ This is Paul, and every person looks different
The hoop house is keeping the rosemary safe.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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