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Years ago I asked my wife, who is rather tidy, why she didn’t dust the top of the refrigerator. She answered, “Because I can’t see it“. It’s an obvious reason, but I had never considered it. I mean, I know I’m nine inches taller than she is, but I didn’t understand the reality of what that means. This shows us how powerful our perspective is, and how difficult it can be to register, much less understand, another person’s perspective.
If you’re taller, be aware that you can see and reach things your spouse can’t see and may not be able to reach without a stool. If they need to be able to get to something, don’t put it out of their reach!
You and your spouse have a variety of physical differences. Many of these tend to fall on either side of the gender line, but there are exceptions both ways. Some couples are pretty much the same height, and in rare marriages the wife is taller by more than a bit.
Let’s look at a few physical differences, and how they may play out.
Men generally have significantly greater upper body strength. My daughter-in-law is half my age, but from time to time she shows up at our door and hands me a jar she can’t open. I think a lot of men don’t appreciate how much difference there is in strength. This can cause them to expect their wives to do tasks that are far more difficult for them than he realises.
Prior to perimenopause, men generally run warmer and feel warmer than women. Making the house cool enough for him means it’s cold for her. Making it warm enough for her makes it hot for him. As adding layers is easier and more socially acceptable than removing clothing, I’d suggest making him comfortable and having sweaters and afghans around for her. (The exception, men, is the bedroom when you’re having sex!)
A 2012 study found that women have a more distinct colour awareness than men and are better able to differentiate between hues of colour. This is accompanied by a broader colour vocabulary. In other words, colour matters more to her than him because she sees more than he does.
Most women have a much better sense of smell than most men. And this is even truer when she is ovulating or pregnant. Here I suggest you go with her. If something smells bad to her, it’s bad. And sir, if you smell bad to her, then you need to do something about that. There are points in some of our lives when multiple showers in a day is Doing Marriage Well!
Eyesight and hearing are not strongly gender linked, but there can be significant differences between you and your spouse. If one of you needs more light, the other should go along. If some sound is annoying or too loud for your spouse, make every reasonable effort to reduce the noise or do it when they are not around.
Understanding and accommodating these differences makes your marriage run more smoothly!
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Apples are on sale, so the freeze dryer is running again.
We still have plenty of veggies from the garden.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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