Podcast: https://bit.ly/4rzac31
How we see ourselves and the world differs by gender.
BEING SUCCESSFUL:
Women are more likely to judge themselves on their ability to be caregivers; men focus on their ability to provide. One study found that 30% of the women but just 7% of the men wanted to work less than full time at their ideal job. And men are more likely to find happiness and satisfaction in their work.
Because providing is so important to them, men suffer more depression and health consequences from being out of work. Likewise for being underemployed or poorly paid. Additionally, being unemployed or underemployed is a big sex killer for men, much more so than for women.
AGGRESSION:
Women express aggression verbally, while men show aggression through actions. There’s a biological reason for this: the male aggression pathway is closely connected to the areas responsible for physical strength, while the female aggression pathway is closer to the verbal functioning area.
This can have problematic effects on how couples interact. If she gets verbally aggressive, he may shut down. His brain is not urging him to yell back at her; it’s urging him to push back physically. He backs away because he is frightened by feeling physically aggressive. If his withdrawal angers her and she verbally attacks all the more, that creates a vicious cycle. Please note I do not share this to justify or excuse abuse. I’m explaining why non-abusive men may shut down during an argument.
EXTREMES:
Men see the world as more black and white than women do. This makes men more “decisive”, but also more likely to miss mitigating details.
Men are generally more open to risk and to greater risk. This can turn out well or badly, depending on the risk and the situation. It is also a common place where husband and wife disagree strongly.
A huge Australian study found that “men were much more likely than women to be at the extreme ends of the behavioural spectrum, either acting very selfishly or very altruistically, very trusting or very distrusting, very fair or very unfair, very risky or very risk-averse and were either very short-term or very long-term focused.“
None of these things is inherently good or bad. All are helpful in some situations, and all can be a problem. If a couple understands these tendencies, they can make better choices as a couple than either of them can make alone. It’s not always easy, but it’s usually better!
~ This is Paul, and men and women are different in so many ways!
Mom went out without me!
Who will keep her safe?
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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