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Saying men and women are as different as dogs and cats certainly applies to sex. The differences in male and female sexuality go way beyond the physical differences in our bodies. Unfortunately, there is a move to deny this reality, which just makes things all the more confusing for couples. There are almost always exceptions, but when the vast majority of men or women experience something differently than the other sex, it’s relevant. So let’s discuss a few of those things.

As I said Monday, we expect our spouse to be as we are. If she intentionally walked past him less than fully dressed, he’d see it as an irresistible invitation. So he does the same with her, and is disappointed it doesn’t get her going. He wonders if she no longer finds him attractive.

A major difference is that men tend to experience spontaneous desire, while most women usually experience responsive desire. I recently read a great analogy for this. For men, desire is like feeling hunger. For women, most of the time, it’s like walking into the supermarket, smelling bread, and realising you want to eat. 

Society has told us women are just like men on this, which is a big lie. This lie causes husbands to think their wives don’t like them and causes women to think there is something wrong with them. Experts say 75% of women in long-term relationships don’t experience spontaneous desire. So not every woman, but a solid majority.

Once desire is sparked, we encounter the second hurdle: how fast men and women can climax. Most men could easily go from fully dressed to afterglow in five minutes. Generally guys want sex to last a lot longer than that, but fast or slow is a choice they can make. Women need far longer. Most women need at least half an hour, and many much more than that. I’ve heard more than one woman say it’s not fair, and that they are jealous of men’s ability to orgasm so easily. Some just give up, either having sex just for him, or not at all.

The bottom line is that men and women are different in many areas, and especially so when it comes to sex. Denying or trying to change this reality will lead to frustration and anger, not better sex. 

~ This is Paul, and knowing the truth helps you Do Sex Well.

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Your sword, Sir Knight.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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