Podcast: https://bit.ly/4lh1J2b
Today’s Playlist offering is from 1976: Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, sung by Elton John & Kiki Dee. It’s playful, but it nails something many couples miss: when one is down, the other can make the moment lighter—or at least less lonely.
Elton: When I was down
Kiki: I was your clown
Everyone has down times. Sometimes a bit of humour is what we need. Other times we need a kind word. A silent hug or a long snuggle is sometimes the way to go, while other times what we need is “I’m praying, and I’m here when you want to talk,” followed by some space.
Being what our spouse needs means we have to know and understand them. It won’t be the same thing every time. And sometimes they may need something they will push away the first time it’s offered. Early in marriage it’s hit and miss, but if you work at it, you will learn what your spouse needs when they’re down, stressed, worried, or overwhelmed.
Kiki: You take the weight off of me
This is the beauty and power of sharing life: even when you can’t help, you can make it feel less horrible. Sharing our worries and fears with an empathetic partner takes some of the weight off of us.
Elton: Don’t go breaking my heart
Kiki: I won’t go breaking your heart
He expresses the fear she will break his heart, and she assures him she won’t do it. I suppose you could say talk is cheap. Assurances matter most when they’re backed by patterns – small faithful actions that make your words believable. Beyond that, when your spouse exposes a fear such as this, you should make a mental note about it. Make an effort to reassure them with both your words and actions. Don’t make the mistake of taking their fear personally, because the odds are it’s not about you. Our fears generally have roots in earlier experiences – sometimes from childhood, sometimes from past relationships.
Not sure what your spouse most needs when they are down? Ask them when they are not down. Try something like, “When you’re stressed, what helps most: humour, a hug, prayer, problem-solving, space or something else?”
~ This is Paul, and for me, dressing as a clown is NOT Doing Marriage Well!
Built new nest boxes for the chickens. Most of them are getting it.
The blue eggs are fake, to encourage them to lay in the boxes.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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