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Have you ever noticed how often people do the exact opposite of what would actually get them what they want? And most just continue the counterproductive behaviour, seemingly unaware of the situation. Let me use tailgating as an example.
When we drive into town, we travel 10 miles on a busy two-lane highway with one very short passing lane. Curves and hills limit areas marked as safe to pass, and traffic usually makes that impossible anyway. The speed limit is 60 mph. At least half the folks driving it want to go 65 or faster. And about 10 percent don’t want to go any faster than 50. So there is a LOT of tailgating. Some of it stupidly close.
I’ve never seen tailgating speed someone up; I have seen it result in people going even slower. I generally maintain two seconds between myself and the car ahead, even if they are going slow, as I was taught all those years ago in driver’s ed. Then recently, I decided to back off a bit more. Amazingly, the guy in front of me sped up! I’ve tried this several more times, and about half the time it results in better speed. Not always up to the speed limit, but noticeably faster.
No one likes to be pushed. Be it intentional or subconscious, some drivers react to being pushed by slowing down. And some react to being given a bit of space by increasing their speed.
I conclude that tailgating the driver in front of you will not make them go faster, and may well cause them to slow down. “Pushing them”, as it were, is counterproductive to your goal. Yet I see people doing that almost every time I drive to town.
Perhaps being rude and aggressive makes those drivers feel better. But at a steep cost; several times a year it results in a crash that takes multiple lives.
With all of that as background, let me ask you: do you think pushing your spouse is likely to get you what you want? Give them some space, and see what happens.
Like drivers who tailgate, you may think pushing your spouse will somehow help. If this has never happened, it’s time to find a new tactic.
~ This is Paul, and tailgating your spouse is not Doing Marriage Well.
Not the best picture, but that’s a bald eagle!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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As we are driving to the airport in Orlando, your point is well-received. We experience this practice every day we choose to drive. Thankfully, the only tailgating that works in our marriage is of a different kind—and it makes us happy.
Nice to see the bald eagles making a come back! Have several just recently in our neck of the woods. Had one just fly right in front of us a Sunday ago on the way to church. What a great sight!
@Denny – It’s rare we see them up here where we are, but we have friends nearby on a lake, and they see them all the time.
Had I not been driving, I could have gotten a much better shot. But by the time I was stopped and had my phone out it was a good distance from me.