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Another counterproductive behaviour, using the same road I mentioned yesterday as an example.
Jim Bob is headed to town, but he’s in no hurry. He has been driving between 44 mph and 53 mph in a 60 mph zone. He has a dozen frustrated folks behind him. Finally, they all reach that one short passing lane. Jim Bob does pull over to the right, but as he does so, he speeds up. He reaches the legal limit, or exceeds it. If the first couple of drivers behind him are frustrated enough, they floor it and zoom by at 75 mph. The passing lane ends, and Jim Bob resumes his leisurely pace.
Jim Bob had been being tailgated since well before the passing lane. You would think he would look forward to the chance to end that. Why does he ensure he will be tailgated the rest of the way to town?
Highway experts say some of this is subconscious. Passing lanes are wide and usually straighter, so we feel safer. Many slow drivers speed up without being aware of it. But there’s also ego and control. If you feel challenged by someone trying to pass, you speed up.
I’ve seen this escalate into tragedy. Last year a guy who didn’t manage to pass before the passing lane ended decided to go onto the right shoulder to pass. He lost control getting back on the road and swerved into oncoming traffic, creating a three-car accident that killed two people and wounded a third. The reckless driver was relatively unhurt, and was arrested. The 17-year-old girl who upset him died, along with an innocent bystander. Speeding up to prevent passing can get you and others hurt or killed.
When we travelled by RV, I got in the habit of pulling into the right lane and easing back on my speed a bit so as many cars as possible could pass. It was kind to them and safer for us. My life is worth more than my ego.
So how do we apply this to marriage? Have you ever upped the stakes with your spouse for no reason other than pride or control? Rather than letting them pass, as it were, you exerted dominance or acted passive-aggressively. You maintained your pride, and you were in control, but at what cost?
It’s usually wiser and safer to pull over, slow down, and let them go. Address it at a later time when you’re both calm. Don’t let your ego push you into a horrible accident!
~ This is Paul, and pride never helps you Do Marriage Well.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with & Paul Byerly
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