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A bonus post today.
As I wrote about criticism, I realised there was a side issue that needed to be addressed. Do you complain to your spouse about things over which they have no control? It could be politics, work, or how people drive. (Can you guess which of those I do?)
Sharing frustration with someone we share life with is natural. In small doses, it’s not an issue. But when it becomes a constant stream, it’s a problem.
I speak here out of guilt. My wife let me know, more than once, that she was tired of me always complaining. And there’s a vicious cycle at work. When I complain about something to her, I want a response. If she is silent, that pushes me to keep complaining!
What’s weird here is I don’t think of myself as all that negative. But when I look at my wife’s complaints about my complaints, I see she is right. For me, I believe this is learned behaviour. My mother complained about everything and everyone, and I picked up the habit. I suspect at a young age it was an attempt to make her like me.
The other thing is I talk a lot. Much of what goes on between my ears spills out of my mouth. And when what is happening between ears is critical, then that comes out.
Understanding why I do this doesn’t make it acceptable. But looking at it honestly has pushed me to change in two ways. First, I work to complain less to my wife. And second, I am trying to change what goes on in my head.
Is this a negative dynamic in your marriage? If your spouse has told you, even once, that you complain too much, believe them.
~ This is Paul, and apparently endless complaining is not Doing Marriage Well
Woke to this:
Past 4 inches by dinner time.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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