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This week let’s talk about selfishness and not being selfish.

I was going to use the word “selfless”, but that’s not quite right. The first definition I found for “selfless” was “acting with little or no concern for oneself, focusing instead on the needs, welfare, and happiness of others.” Another said, “having no concern for self”.

Can we agree having no concern for ourselves is not healthy? Such a person would be a mess. And they would be taken advantage of by a lot of people. 

Jesus was not selfless. He pulled away by Himself on more than one occasion. In particular, He sought solitude when He heard his cousin, John the Baptist, had been executed. And He took a nap in a boat while His disciples were freaking out.

Then we have Mark 6, where Jesus sent the twelve out two by two. When they returned, Jesus said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” They had been very busy for a season, and now Jesus wanted them to rest and recover. He was teaching them a vital balance.

I am thinking of this topic because I’ve been caring for my wife for about two weeks. She got the flu and recovered, but then her condition worsened. Friday night, I took her to the ER as she could barely stand. Turns out her potassium levels were low, which will leave you weak. They gave her potassium and sent her home. She is doing better now, but it’s going to take some time for her to get back to normal.

When she said she needed to go to the ER, of course I got her there. It was an emergency, and it was appropriate for me to focus entirely on her needs at that moment. But I’ve also done palliative care. We cared for my mom in her home the last nine months of her life. So I know that even in such a situation, we must take care of ourselves. We can’t just keep going 24/7 because God didn’t make us to be able to do that. When we pass our limit, we hurt ourselves both physically and emotionally. 

But where is our limit? How do we know? What do we do when we hit that limit? And how do we balance our valid needs with the needs of others, and especially our spouse? I want to discuss that the rest of the week. We need to find the balance between caring for ourselves and caring for others. This is a common thread in our marriages, in both small and big ways.

~ This is Paul, and self-care is critical if we want to Do Marriage Well.

Turns out yams, which both Lori and I enjoy, are very high in potassium.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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