Podcast: https://bit.ly/41Qe1Wi

This week’s topic is having a “No-Closed-Doors Marriage”. If you and your spouse both get on board with this idea, some powerful things will happen. But this is not for the faint of heart. And it’s a bad idea for a marriage currently struggling or if there is any abuse.

When you got married, you were a mansion full of rooms – hundreds of rooms. Your spouse had already been in some of those rooms and was invited into more of them after you married. But unless you were unusually emotionally healthy and very self-aware, many doors were locked, and some were hidden. 

Our feelings are personal, and we rightly protect them. Giving someone free access to some rooms means they can hurt you deeply.​ The same is true for our hopes and dreams, as well as some of our thoughts and beliefs. 

Most of us have rooms that have never been seen by another person. If you got deeply hurt, you may have locked that room. If it was really bad, you may have walled up a whole section of rooms, never to be seen again.

As I said, there is good reason to protect some of these rooms. Even with our spouse, it takes time to know it’s safe, and to feel okay about letting them into a room that contains painful memories, personal feelings, or private thoughts. But the light of day is what brings healing.

It takes time to move to a no-locked-doors marriage. It will take years or even decades. But the closer you get to that goal, the better your marriage will be. And not just your marriage; your life in general will be better.

If this idea appeals to you more than it scares you, have a talk about it with your spouse. Are both of you prepared to unlock doors that have remained closed for years or decades?

If you decide to go for it, please start with a lot of grace. Talk about the fact it will take time. Discuss that much of your resistance will not be about your spouse. See steady progress as a good thing, and celebrate growth.

~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well is easier with fewer locked doors.

Unrelated Resource: If you are in a blended family, I recommend the Family Life Blended & Blessed livestream event happening April 18. It’s completely free. 

The two-year-old joins the annual egg hunt.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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