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Today’s No-Closed-Doors challenge is to open up your deep emotional places.
I realise what I’ve already discussed this week has a lot of emotion attached to it. But today I want to get more raw. Aside from your past and any wounds, how emotionally vulnerable can you be with your spouse?
To reiterate what I said the first day, safety is a valid issue here. If your spouse can’t be trusted with your naked emotions, you must protect yourself. If you’re not sure they can be trusted, go slow.
That said, some folks armour up not because of their spouse, but because of their own fear or past injury.
When you choose not to close any emotional doors, you don’t hide your feelings. What’s more, you make an effort to share your feelings, even when it’s difficult.
Handling emotions takes care. It’s fair to say emotions are never wrong, but that doesn’t mean what emotions drive is correct. Emotions are indicators of our heart condition, even when they aren’t based on objective truth. Feeling jealous is a valid emotion. Getting angry at your spouse for no reason apart from your feeling is unacceptable. Getting defensive or hurt because your spouse admits to jealousy is also unacceptable. If you have done nothing to justify jealousy, then it’s a reflection of their internal struggle, rather than your actions.
You can accept your spouse’s emotions without taking responsibility for them. You can express compassion for painful emotions without feeling guilty. You may be able to help lessen the emotion, not because it is your responsibility, but because you love your spouse.
Imagine being able to share or hear your spouse express feelings like jealousy without ending up in a fight. Imagine how healing it would be to discuss the issue calmly. Imagine reassuring your spouse without anger or defensiveness, and then praying together that they will get over it and that you won’t inadvertently do anything to make it worse. Imagine dealing with the whole thing as an “us” thing with mutual grace and understanding.
Yes, opening all the doors to your emotions can be terrifying. But if you and your spouse can both do it, and handle it well, the result is extraordinary. Fear and shame melt away, and you feel heard and loved in ways you never thought possible.
If this sounds like something you might like to do, have a long talk, or several talks, about it before you start.
~ This is Paul, and emotional nudity is Doing Marriage Well.
A turkey egg, next to a chicken’s first egg.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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