Podcast: https://bit.ly/483FxmS
What a couple most needs to have a great sex life in their silver years has to do with their thinking.
Be intentional about sex: Start that now, whether you’re twenty or sixty. It will make sex now better, and prepare you to deal with any speed bumps age puts in our way. Be intentional about having sex regularly. Decide what is critical enough to get in the way of sex, and don’t allow anything that is not on that short list to keep you from sex.
Be intentional about dealing with problems. That means relationship issues that mess up sex, “my body doesn’t do that any more” issues, and anything else that negatively impacts sex.
Attitude is everything: Showing up for sex is not enough. You must both be involved. Touch and play. Say something nice about your spouse’s body, or what they are doing to your body. When sex is over, let them know you enjoyed it.
This needs to happen even when the sex is not for you. Sex “just for one of you” is a valid way of dealing with different drives, but the one who is there for their spouse needs to really be there. Failure to engage makes sex just a physical act, and that does not lead to a lifetime of great sex.
Be open to change: As your bodies and minds change, what was great in the past may be only good today. And in a year it may not even be good. Change it up from time to time, and see if something a bit different is easier or more enjoyable. Expand your repertoire before you need something new.
Ageing can slow arousal for both wife and husband. At some point he will need physical foreplay to get fully erect when she is ready for intercourse. This does not mean he no longer finds her desirable; it is a normal change that comes with age. His erections may be less firm than they once were, but still perfectly functional. She may need some added lubricant. Sore backs and injured knees can make the position you both enjoy difficult for one of you, and eventually impossible.
You might have to rethink when you have sex. If one or both of you are too tired at the end of the day for good sex, consider morning sex or afternoon delight. Learn what works for you, and do that.
What if something happens that makes intercourse impossible for a season? Or for the rest of your lives? Does that mean sex is over? Do you both see sex as more than tab A in slot B? Will you continue to share intimacy and pleasure in other ways? Discussing this now rather than when it happens is a good plan.
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It’s probably been said too often that the brain is the biggest sex organ, but the idea is valid. It’s also critical if you and your spouse are going to keep enjoying sexual intimacy.
~ This is Paul, and I want you to keep Doing Sex Well for a very long time.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & Paul Byerly
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