Podcast: https://bit.ly/4erPm1O
Today’s topic isn’t just an issue for older folks, but it can become a blockade to sex for those over fifty. Let’s talk about “sex drive”.
Modern society has reduced sex drive to a physical urge to have sex. Being “horny” in common terms. But sex drive is far more than what is going on between our legs. It is also what we think and feel. Our emotions and relationship are a big part of it.
Most women, about three-quarters, rarely or never feel a physical sex drive outside of when they are having sex. This is normal for them and doesn’t mean they have no interest in sex. There are women who seek and enjoy sex often despite never feeling a physical push to do so. The way society treats sex may cause these women to worry something is wrong with them. But this responsive desire is perfectly normal.
If you want to have sex with your husband, don’t wait to feel it “down there”. Tell him you want sex, but you will need his help getting your body to want it. Then relax and enjoy.
What about guys? Most young men have a very strong physical drive; so much so they may ignore or be unaware of the other aspects of their sex drives. As they get older, they may need to get in touch with these other aspects. Less physical drive doesn’t mean they have lost interest in sex or their wife; it just means their bodies have changed.
It’s common for men and women to think the penis is a barometer of a man’s sexual desire. But this is wrong. A man can have an erection and zero interest in having sex. Alternatively, a man can very much want sex and not have an erection. Or be able to get one.
I talked earlier this week about ED drugs. These work for most men, but not all. And some can’t take them because of medical issues. A pump will give any man an erection. Some couples find this useful; some do not.
But not being able to get an erection need not be the end of a couple’s sex life. A man does not need an erection to pleasure his wife to orgasm. He can use his hands, his mouth, or a sex toy on her. What’s more, he doesn’t need an erection to have an orgasm. Manual sex will get him there. Oral is generally more effective. A strong vibrator is a very good way. Focus on the underside of the head of the penis.
Erections are nice, but they are not necessary for great sex. Likewise for physical sex drive. If you want to be sexual, you can find a way.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Sex Well looks different in different seasons of life.
This is what eighteen newly hatched chicks look like.
We had a great hatch rate this time. Lori really has it dialed in!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & Paul Byerly
