Podcast: https://bit.ly/496BTsJ
To get it out of the way, I think sex is a need. A marriage needs sex to be healthy and to be what God intended. Most men and many women need sex to feel loved by their spouse. And sexual frustration can cause problems well beyond the marriage.
But sometimes when we think we need sex, it’s something else.
I talked earlier this week about trying to fill a need with something other than what we need. There’s a lot of this happening with sex. You need love; you seek sex. You need intimacy; you seek sex. You need touch, and you try to have sex to get it. You’re worried, stressed, or bored, and you try to solve it with sex.
When we try to fill other needs with sex, we create a desire for sex our spouse can’t meet. Even if they did, we would still feel empty. And our spouse may feel resentment about being used. Beyond that, trying to fill non-sexual things with sex messes up sex. We can’t fully enjoy and be satisfied with sex when we are trying to use it to deal with something else.
It can be difficult for some to see they are doing this because they are not having as much sex as they legitimately need. So they are correct that they say they “need more”, and that hides the fact they are trying to get some non-sexual needs met.
If you think you NEED sex more than four or five times a week, it’s very likely you are trying to meet non-sexual needs with sex. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having sex more often than that, if you both want that. Neither am I suggesting there is anything wrong with you both being satisfied with sex twice a week. I’m simply trying to give a guide for valid sexual needs.
If you are trying to meet non-sexual needs in bed, it’s hurting your marriage and your sex life.
~ This is Paul, and making sex about sex is Doing Sex Well.
Whisky and Widget doing the evening perimeter patrol.
Whisky is very serious about this; Widge is just along for the LOLs.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & Paul Byerly
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