Podcast: https://bit.ly/3OQNRjt

I want to talk today about things we put up with that we should not. This is very much about giving you permission to address the issue with your spouse.

The bottom line is if some behaviour, or failure, really eats at you, it’s hurting your marriage. And you putting up with it is not the solution. If you feel what you want is unfair, then get help so it does not drive you crazy. Otherwise, you need to say something.

A short list of things we put up with:

• Not listening, or selective listening: You need your spouse to hear you about the important stuff.
• Messiness: Expecting extreme neatness is unfair, but there needs to be some effort on their part to keep things functional and safe.
• Constant phubbing: Using screens to ignore your spouse is both rude and harmful to your marriage.
• Noise: It could be smacking while eating, snoring, music, or anything else that irritates you.
• Sexual issues: We will cover that later this week.
• Lack of punctuality: Always being late is a problem.

I want to focus on the issue of lateness to take a closer look at how these things can play out. My mother was one of those folks who thought, “Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable.” My father thought on-time was acceptable. We were never late, but I recall my mother always putting my sister and me into the car early and then sitting there fuming and saying, “Come on, Woody.“

Maybe she thought doing this would speed him up. I can assure you it did not. It did frustrate her, and I’m sure it was a problem for their marriage.

There is no clear “wrong” here other than that they never worked it out. I think it would have been loving for my father to aim for a few minutes before “on time” as it mattered so much to my mother. I think he should also have suggested to her that being too early could be rude, such as when going to someone’s home. They could have found something that worked for both of them and removed a major source of friction in their marriage.

Being irritated with your spouse regularly is bad for your marriage. Putting up with it may keep your spouse from hearing about it, but the situation is still harming your marriage. If it bothers you more than a little, it should be addressed. Tomorrow I’ll suggest how to address it.

~ This is Paul, and being irritated at your spouse gets in the way of Doing Marriage Well.

Pigs really like dandelions!

Aside from being free food, they are no longer afraid of me.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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