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The next level of help is professional. That means a licensed therapist or counsellor.
Sometimes you need this level of help. Or perhaps it’s all your spouse will agree to. Cost can be an issue here, as most insurance won’t cover it. But if it saves your marriage, it’s worth the cost!
Training is no guarantee of skill – especially in a specific area like marriage. I have friends who are licensed who are excellent. But I’ve also heard horror stories. I would strongly advise you to find a Christian who is that in more than name so their advice doesn’t contradict your core values. If you’re in a blended family, a professional who understands step-parenting dynamics is a huge plus. A personal recommendation is a big help if you know someone who has walked this path. Or ask your pastor if they know someone.
Many professionals will do a lower-cost first session, or partial session, to help you see if they are a good fit. Don’t be shy about asking what you need to know, or about saying, “I think we need someone else.” I assure you they will not take it personally.
Doing this online via Zoom is possible, but in the US you can only do that with a professional in your state. Still, this allows you to meet from the comfort of your home, which may help you feel more comfortable. And it usually saves some money.
I’ve heard some positive things about Regain. I am not affiliated with them in any way. I ran through their intake form, and it looked good. You can specify you want a Christian, and you can also specify the person’s gender if you want. They do couples or individuals.
If you go the professional route, you should have a clear understanding of what you want and what a positive outcome would look like. That can change as you move forward, but it’s good to specify your goal up front. If you don’t feel you have this, make it one of the first things you do when you meet.
As with any form of marriage help, you get out of it what you put into it. If you’re given homework, make doing it a priority. And by doing it, I am not talking about checking the box; it’s not busy work.
Good counselling will challenge how you see things. This is not an attack; it’s based on the reality that you don’t see everything as it is. And sometimes that includes your own thoughts and feelings. Expect to find places where you have been wrong. Be open to the possibility your spouse may be right about something you think they have wrong. Also be open to the possibility that in some things neither you nor your spouse has it right. Work on yourself, and let your spouse work on themselves.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well may look different than you think!
We’re up to half a dozen turkey poults.
They are much better behaved than chicken chicks!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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