Podcast: https://bit.ly/4nexaeo
Today’s bonus post is something about which I feel very passionate: premarital coaching.
The best way to deal with a problem is to address it before it becomes a problem. Sometimes that can prevent the problem. Other times it means you’re ready to deal with the problem when it comes along. Both are better than not seeing it coming and being slammed.
I realise I’m not talking to single folks here. But many of you have yet to marry children, and you all know young couples moving that way. So I am begging you to encourage any couple who will listen to you to get good premarital coaching.
One very wise fellow contacted me about getting pre-premarital coaching. He and the lady he was interested in were both single parents with a divorce behind them. Neither wanted another bad marriage, and they decided to get help before they had even decided they wanted to get married. Pre-premarital turned into premarital, and then a wedding. And because they had gotten ahead of things, they didn’t have nearly the difficulty most blended families experience.
Good premarital coaching is at least half a dozen sessions over a number of weeks. It should be tailored to the couple, not a one-size-fits-no-one book study. Books can be helpful, but they can’t replace face-to-face coaching. Lori and I have used Prepare/Enrich, and it’s a huge help, as it can point to potential problems. I encourage you to look for someone using that tool.
And very importantly, good premarital must include discussions about sex. You would be surprised at how many premarital curriculums ignore the issue or touch on it for just a few minutes. Sex seems simple, but making it work can be complex. Couples given warnings and solutions before they have issues do much better.
Ideally a couple meets with someone who will be there after the marriage. If problems arise, they already have a relationship, making it easier to go for and get help.
~ This is Paul, and premarital coaching makes Doing Marriage Well far easier.
The Notorious PIGs are getting less shy, so I finally got a good group shot.
They do love the weeds we pull out of the garden.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
My wife and I had a decidedly “non-traditional” marriage that we might term “arranged” with a -by-God suffix, involving international travel just for an in-person wedding. While we did do some sessions with her pastor, I’d like to call out the Alpha Marriage course, not so much even the course, but the materials came with somewhere in the region of a thousand questions to discuss. Everything from “do you want kids, how many, boys, girls, is that a hard number or..” to “toilet paper, overhand or underhand”, “Christmas/holidays and family” and so on.
It was really valuable to us (because honestly, we barely knew each other), but I have thrown the material at a bunch of couples, because a lot of people don’t discuss things unless they’re brought up, and “oh my family support Man Utd, is that gonna be a problem…YES”, “you don’t use a washcloth”, “you don’t wear pyjamas?”, “oh, you don’t want to sleep in the same bed every night”, or “toddler boys and girls can’t share a room, obviously we now need a whole new house” otherwise might not come up until they’re an Issue.
@toonarmycaptain – Heard of it, but never been through it. Thanks for the positive review.
Totally agree with your post today Paul! Thank you for encouraging discussing including sex into the discussion, especially with all the problems with pornagraphy and the high percentage of both men and women using pornagrahy today.