Podcast: https://bit.ly/3Q5esK9
Think about those visions you have for your marriage. Are they dreams, goals, ambitions, aims, targets, or maybe even quests? (Hat tip to Jessica Stillman)
It would be more or less accurate to say those words are synonyms. But they actually mean different things. How we see our desires and how we present them to our spouse matters.
Dreams are long-term visions you kick around as “What if?” or “Could we?” “I dream of travelling the country someday,” for example. You both have a number of dreams, and you know many won’t come to pass.
Goals are things you are actively working towards. Such as saving for a down payment on a house. Or for an RV to travel the country.
Aims are a general direction or intent. These are the lifestyle intentions that guide your daily choices. “We aim to make our home a place of peace and hospitality.”
Ambitions are about an internal drive to achieve something significant. For example, building a family business that you can pass on to your children.
Targets are specific, often numerical, and generally short-term. Targets are the rungs on the ladder to a larger goal. So, for example, “Our target for this month is to have four tech-free date nights.” Or to get the RV running.
Quests are a transformative journey toward a noble or spiritual end. A quest is as much about the person you become along the way as the destination. For example, “Our quest is to foster children and provide a stable home for the vulnerable.”
A healthy marriage has all of these. And it’s important to know which are which and to be on the same page about them.
Lori tells the long version of the story of our time travelling the US by RV. Early in our marriage, I shared my dream of walking across America. Lori wasn’t into that. Later I suggested doing it by bike, something Lori was also not down with. However, at that point she realised this was an aim for me. When I suggested we do it by RV, she was good with that. It became a shared goal, and within the year we were doing it.
Communication along the way is how we got from my dream to our shared quest. And it’s how you do the same in your marriage. Identifying things as goals, ambitions or quests will help you. A couple might argue, for example, because one thinks they are discussing a “target” (immediate), while the other thinks it’s just a “dream” (theoretical).
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Speaking of fostering children, it’s been way too long since I mentioned the effort to build the Humphrey Family a home for their eight foster children. If you are looking for a good cause to support, check it out!
Widge is willing to share her duck, her favourite toy.
But if the puppy looks at her food dish, that is not okay!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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