Podcast: https://bit.ly/43x5TLe
I have undiagnosed ADHD. Anyone who knows me is sure I have it. I suspect it shows up in my posts at times.
So I was interested when I saw a study entitled Preferences for social support and perceived support gaps among attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) adults. The short version is that ADHD folks in romantic relationships don’t feel they get the emotional help and support they desire from their partners. The researchers concluded that the specific cognitive and emotional patterns associated with ADHD can create unique challenges for navigating relationship support.
Individuals with ADHD often process information and regulate emotions differently than the general population. This means they may have different needs. It may also mean they don’t feel efforts that would be felt by a neurotypical spouse.
One big issue was how much support the individuals felt they got from their partner for the difficulties that come with ADHD. And most of them very much wanted help and support.
But I don’t want to make this all about ADHD. There are other forms of neurodivergence which can affect how a couple relates. The most obvious is being on the autism spectrum. But there are others we don’t tend to think about, such as dyslexia; dyscalculia, which is difficulty with numbers and understanding numerical information; and prosopagnosia, AKA face blindness. And others.
If you or your spouse’s brain diverges from the norm, that is going to be a factor in your marriage. Pretending it’s not there won’t make it go away. The better the other spouse understands the issue, the better they can relate and help. It’s not a ‘them thing’; it’s a marriage issue. And that makes it an ‘us thing’.
If you can find a couple where one spouse has the same issue, that may be particularly helpful.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well looks more different for some couples.
Resource: Two Different Brains in Love: Conflict Resolution in Neurodiverse Relationships ~ Gottman institute
The plant is comfrey. Chickens who eat it lay more eggs.
And it’s good for pigs too. I wonder if squirrels like it…
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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