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A study with a 22-word-long title “discovered” that romantic partners who feel uncertain about their relationship tend to experience more negative emotions during everyday conversations. Because it was an observational study, looking at recordings of couples, researchers were able to see things missed by surveys.
The researchers suggested that people who are unsure where they stand in their relationship don’t have a good framework to interpret their partner’s behaviour. In part this means not giving the benefit of the doubt. It also means confusion and concern, which fosters negative feelings and inhibits good communication.
The research also found that those who felt their partner helped them with their daily goals felt better during conversation with that partner. This occurred for both men and women but was stronger for women.
Reading all of this, you may be thinking, “Well, duh. If I treat them well and they feel secure in our relationship, anything we do together will go better.” All the study does is prove what we would assume is true.
That said, while it’s obvious, do we work to treat our spouse well and make them feel secure in our marriages? Knowing it would help is great, but if that doesn’t influence our actions, it’s useless knowledge.
Too often we act as if the various parts of our marriage are, or should be, separate. Being rude this morning was because I was tired and rushed. It didn’t mean anything, and my spouse shouldn’t still feel beat up by it at dinner. Yes, I got carried away and yelled at him for not taking out the trash. But that’s no reason for him to avoid conversation an hour later. Okay, I did ignore her most of the day. But that shouldn’t affect her interest in having sex at bedtime.
I hope when you read those, you saw how wrong they were. But have you ever acted that way? Do you want a pass on some of what you do? Do you want to be judged on your general character, with your bad behaviour being ignored?
Your marriage is not separate parts. Each part influences the others. Pretending otherwise will not work out well for you.
~ This is Paul, and we need to Do Marriage Well consistently.
The purple iris are finally blooming
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Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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