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Yesterday we looked at a common wrong image men have of their wives. Today a common false image women have of their husbands. 

More than once I’ve heard a woman with two children say she has three children to care for, putting her husband into the child category. It’s usually said in a joking way, but it’s not a joke. At least in part it’s how she sees her husband, and that false view is hurting him, their marriage, and their children. Besides, it’s disrespectful to tell people your husband is childish.

Other women are more blunt, calling their husband a “man-child”.

I realise the Peter Pan Syndrome is a real thing. But I’ve seen women say this about men who are competent, able, and respected. If she’s the only one who sees him as childish, odds are it’s her.

A slightly less horrible way this idea is shared is by saying, “The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.” I think this one shows the real issue behind women finding men to be childish. Many men will set aside life’s worries and have fun even when there are real problems that need to be addressed. Many women see this as not being serious about the problems. 

There are a couple of gender differences at play here. First, personality studies have found men as a group score higher on measures of playfulness. Because of this, men are more likely to use humour or playful activities as a temporary coping mechanism. Second, women have higher levels of daily stress. So a wife may see things as being worse than her husband does. These things mean men are more likely to take some time to play even when things are difficult. If they come back to the problems, likely feeling better able to confront them, it’s all good.

I found a number of articles advising women how to deal with a man-child or Peter Pan husband. But very few of those articles made any attempt to challenge the woman’s perception. Yes, such men exist. But some women who accuse their husband of such things are wrong. If your husband is not doing what he needs to do, that’s a problem. If you’re upset he isn’t tackling a task the way you would, that’s not a failure. If he gets it done, how he acts along the way shouldn’t be an issue. 

All that said, if his approach causes you a good deal of trouble, it would be good to talk about that. Start by telling him it’s you, not him. Then ask if he can somehow reassure you before he takes a mental health break that he is aware of the problems and will deal with them.

~ This is Paul, and seeing your husband clearly is Doing Marriage Well.

Caught some turtles getting some morning sun.

The camera click sound from my phone sent them into the water.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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