Podcast: https://bit.ly/4ekSAnA
How do you perceive your spouse sexually speaking? It matters, because how you see them affects how you act and what you expect sexually. If your perception is inaccurate, that will limit or hurt your sex life.
Culture feeds us stereotypes and lies about how men and women are sexually. Men are selfish. All they care about is sex. If you don’t keep them satisfied, they will cheat. Women use sex to get what they want. Women who don’t enjoy sex just haven’t been with a guy who knows how to do it right. Women stop wanting sex after marriage.
Most of these are true of some individuals. Perhaps you had a relationship with such a person before marrying your spouse. And you no doubt have friends who have experienced these things. But none of these is the norm, and painting them on your spouse because of their plumbing is unfair and leads to problems.
But there are other false ways of seeing your spouse that are far more insidious and do a lot of harm. Let’s look at one:
Women should orgasm from intercourse: We can thank Freud for this one. He proclaimed that clitoral orgasms were infantile and that mature women should only climax through penetrative intercourse – the so-called “vaginal orgasm”. What Freud didn’t know is orgasms during intercourse are usually a result of indirect stimulation of the clitoris.
Today we know a woman’s ability to climax from intercourse is based on how far her clitoris is from her vagina. Less than an inch, she probably can. More than an inch, she can’t. It has nothing to do with her mind or his skill; it comes down to anatomy.
Sadly there are those who still believe Freud’s error. There are women who could enjoy sex but don’t because they’re not built to orgasm from intercourse alone, and they and/or their husbands won’t do anything else. I’ve talked to men who would be happy to give her an orgasm some other way, but she won’t hear of it – and to men who think her orgasm has to be a result of intercourse or it’s wrong.
Other couples do what it takes for her to climax, but she feels bad about it. She thinks there’s something wrong with her. She thinks if she were a real woman, intercourse would be enough. Or perhaps she secretly blames her husband. How very sad for them as a couple.
God never said, “Thou shalt orgasmith from thrusting.” If you can and want to, great. If you can’t, or don’t want to, also great.
If you want a practical workaround, try this: get a small vibrator and place it between your bodies during face-to-face intercourse.
~ This is Paul, and misinformation doesn’t help you Do Sex Well.
Our evening view
We live in a beautiful place!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
