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Some of you have been looking forward to me talking about being sexually generous. Others have been dreading it – or may be skipping this post.

Of course everything I said about generosity the last four days applies to sex. But being generous about sex applies to both a spouse who avoids sex and to one who wants more. For the latter, being sexually generous will sometimes mean not asking for sex, or even turning down an offer. If your spouse is tired or stressed, and sex will make it worse, then going without is both loving and generous.

But I want to go somewhere else with today’s post.

When I married Lori, my mother took her aside and said, “You don’t have to have sex every day.” The message was clear: you do not have to be generous in this area. What’s more, if you give him all he wants, you are letting him use you.

Most new brides don’t get “permission” from their mother-in-law to be sexually selfish, but many get an unspoken message to that effect. And while the church is getting better, many women are told by the world that they should only have sex when and how they want it. It is called ‘self-empowerment’ or ‘owning your sexuality’, but that does not change the fact that only doing what you want is the definition of selfishness.

But it’s not just women. Men are also encouraged to be sexually selfish. We are told to ask for what we want and not take no for an answer. Never mind that what we want offends our wife, causes her pain, or makes it impossible for her to enjoy sex. All of that is her stuff, and she needs to get over it and give us what we are entitled to because she married us.

The dearth of sexual generosity in marriages is because we have been told it’s okay to be sexually selfish. This results in people who are generous in other areas feeling just fine being selfish about sex.

Are you doing this to your spouse? Should you give more? Or maybe you need to push less. Ask God to nudge you if you should make some changes.

~ This is Paul, and Doing Sex Well means being generous.

Saw a 22-degree solar halo today

It persisted for a couple of hours.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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