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I’m borrowing some brilliant insights this week from my friend, fellow marriage coach, and fellow elder Sean. On Sunday Sean preached on 2 Samuel 15:1-12. He used it to talk about dysfunctional families and marriages. I only yelled “Amen” once, but I was right with him on everything he said. (You can watch the sermon, if you like.)
The passage talks about how Absalom starts to build a rebellion against his father David’s rule as king. David and Absalom had a dysfunctional relationship of epic proportions, and we can learn what not to do from them.
The problems started when Amnon, David’s firstborn son, became obsessed with his half-sister Tamar, eventually raping her. Absalom, third-born son and full brother of Tamar, took care of her. But David did nothing. No justice. No consequences. David failed both as a father and king by ignoring the crime.
Two years later, Absalom invited all the king’s sons to a sheep-shearing celebration and had Amnon killed when he was drunk. Absalom then fled to his maternal grandfather’s kingdom of Geshur – where he stayed for three years. Joab uses deception to get David to agree to let Absalom come home, but David refuses to see his son. Based on the law, both Amnon and Absalom should have been put to death for their actions. But David refused to take action.
Ignoring problems does not make them go away. Neither does it usually lessen them. Usually ignored problems grow. The hurt becomes stronger over time. Others are pulled in, either because they see injustice or because they care about the person who has been mistreated. Absalom had his brother killed because David ignored Amnon’s crime. And in time Absalom tried to overthrow his father’s kingdom because David avoided him.
Odds are none of your family relations are as horrific as Absalom’s. But probably some wrongs done to you have been ignored or downplayed, and that has led to injuries and resentment and may have resulted in strained or broken relationships. If you have children, you have on occasion failed to deal with things as you should have, leaving injury and resentment and possibly damage to your relationship.
Before I focus on marriage the rest of the week, I want to encourage you to think about your relationships with your family. Are there issues that should be addressed? Is there a relationship that needs to be repaired? Whether you are the victim or the one who failed, please make an effort to fix things. Problems with parents or kids hurt everyone involved and harm our marriages. Set aside your pride and make an effort.
~ This is Paul, and healthy family relationships make Doing Marriage Well easier.
It is once again turtle walkabout season.
It comes with a lot of barking from the dogs.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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