Podcast: https://bit.ly/3Re1fzf

In his sermon, Sean asked three questions. I am rephrasing them to make them just about marriage, but they apply to any close relationship. Today the first question

“Ask yourself if, in the last 2 weeks, have you emotionally checked out of your marriage under the guise of protecting it, becoming passive or non-responsive to your spouse.”

A specific example Sean gave is excellent:

“For example, wives washing their hands of their husbands’ decisions. I’ve heard many Christian women say some version of ‘It’s his decision; I’m just the wife and I’m just submitting to his leadership in the home.’ This pretends that God appointed you as that man’s wife to do whatever he says while withholding your wisdom, courage, concern, and honest counsel. Our role as husband and wife is to represent Christ’s relationship with the Church, which is marked by servanthood, longsuffering, and a lifetime of care.”

Another version of this one is disengaging to “protect their feelings”. If what you think would hurt their feelings is the truth, then your spouse needs to hear it. If you can’t share it in love, that’s your failing and has nothing to do with them. 

Usually we do this just to avoid a fight. If it’s a fight you’ve had over and over, then you need to get some third-party help with it. If it’s a fight you’ve never had, or stopped having a good while ago, then you need to deal with it. Avoiding the truth to avoid hurt feelings is neither loving nor biblical. 

Avoiding a conversation by saying, ‘I can’t talk about this with you.’ is also unacceptable. ‘I can’t talk about it now‘, or ‘I need some time to think about it before we talk‘ are fine, as long as you come back around to it. Communication is the lifeblood of relationships, and cutting communication off in the name of protecting the relationship is contrary to that truth.

Going back to the passage, King David’s refusal to engage cost him and those around him a great deal. Among other things, it cost him the lives of the sons he refused to engage. Refusing to engage with your spouse will harm your marriage, and it could lead to its death.

Ask yourself, have you emotionally checked out of your marriage in any way? Are there conversations you have avoided that you need to have?

~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires engaging your spouse.

The first daylily!

With many more to come.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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