Podcast: https://bit.ly/4fd95Co
We continue to look at having a healthy marriage relationship based on a sermon about King David and his son Absalom.
Sean’s second question: “In the last two weeks, have you used a spiritual activity to justify not addressing a real issue in your marriage? For example, saying, ‘I’m praying about it’, when what I really mean is, ‘I’m delaying the apology I don’t think I have to offer.’”
Apologies should be common and easy. When they are not, why aren’t they? Is it pride? Are you afraid that if you apologise, you will have to deal with what you did? Do you think apologising means admitting you were wrong?
If my words or actions hurt my wife, then she was hurt. My not intending to hurt her does not change the fact she was hurt. My not understanding why she feels hurt does not end her hurt. But sincerely apologising and asking for forgiveness will make her feel better. With that done, it’s far easier to discuss the issue. We can work on me understanding why she felt hurt and on her understanding what I intended.
An apology is simply an acknowledgement of injury. It is not an admission of doing someting wrong. But sometimes an apology does need to be followed by a change on the part of the one apologising.
Delayed apologies are one way we hide behind spirituality. Throwing ourselves into church ministry when there is still a lot of ministry needed in our marriage is another. It’s nice to have folks at church think you are loving and giving, but if your spouse doesn’t feel that way, you’re missing it big time.
When Paul wrote to Timothy about the qualifications for elders, he made it clear they must be good husbands and fathers first. If you’re not caring for your family, you’re not qualified to minister to others!
Loving our spouse can be difficult. It’s far easier to go love the homeless. Or people in India. And I’ve known people who did those things while failing as a spouse. Some minister downtown or halfway around the world to avoid their spouse! God is neither fooled nor impressed by such activity.
Peter suggests that God ignores the prayers of husbands who fail to love their wives as they should. (1 Peter 3:7) And Jesus condemned those who told their parents they could not help them because they had dedicated their money to God. (Matthew 15:3-9) Apparently how we treat those closest to us is a big deal to God!
So ask yourself, are you using ministry or God to avoid problems with your spouse?
~ This is Paul, and apologising is part of Doing Marriage Well.
One guess as to which pig is in charge.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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