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It is common for both passion and sexual satisfaction to decline as a couple spends more and more years together. But there are couples who don’t follow this trend. What makes those couples different? A study of almost forty thousand people looked at that. The authors pointed out that sexual satisfaction is important for the health of a relationship and gave this as motivation for the study.
The couples in the study had been together at least three years. The majority, 83%, said they were sexually satisfied for the first six months they were together. But many did not feel that way years later. Fifty-five percent of the women and 43% of the men were generally satisfied, while 27% of the women and 41% of the men were dissatisfied. Roughly a third of both men and women said their sex life was as passionate as it had been at the start.
Sexual satisfaction and ongoing passion were higher for people who had sex most frequently, those who received more oral sex, had more consistent orgasms, experienced more variety of sexual acts, and had better sexual communication.
Let’s talk about those things that correlated with greater passion and sexual satisfaction:
Frequency: There is an obvious chicken and egg issue here. But it’s still a valid issue. A drop in frequency either signals an existing drop in satisfaction or warns that one is coming. Making yourself have sex usually is not going to improve things. But don’t ignore the change.
Oral Sex: This could be about the pleasure oral sex can give, or how effective it can be as foreplay. It might also be an indication of how sexually free a couple feels. You can have a good sex life without oral sex, but if either of you is less satisfied with sex than you used to be, adding or increasing oral sex could result in an improvement.
Consistent Orgasms: This is mostly an issue for women, but a lack of orgasm would certainly make a man unsatisfied with sex. Some women honestly don’t want to climax every time. Some women want to most or every time, but say “It’s okay” or fake orgasms out of fear, or shyness, or because they think it’s their fault. If you need to orgasm more often, please speak up. Most men value their wife’s orgasm as much or even more than their orgasm, and I bet he will be happy to make sure it happens when you want it.
Variety: It’s not just the spice of life; it makes your sex more satisfying. You don’t have to get crazy or keep finding new things. Using more than one position will do it. Unscheduled morning sex, or making out on the couch, also qualify.
Communication: Being able to talk is the lifeblood of a marriage and of your sex life. Good sex requires being able to communicate what you enjoyed, what you want, and what you might like to try. You also need to be able to feel safe talking about what is not working.
You can make sex more satisfying and bring back passion. Which of the things I’ve mentioned would be a good starting place?
~ This is Paul, and a satisfying, passionate sex life makes Doing Marriage Well easier.
Not a fan of all the smoke, but it makes for beautiful sunsets.
There are no fires near us, the smoke is from Oregon.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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