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Today I’m going to chew on one of my pet peeves: the idea that God didn’t give us marriage to make us happy, but rather to make us holy.
I’ve already laid the groundwork on this. Yesterday I shared a verse about a man being free to spend his first year of marriage making his wife happy. And then there’s Proverbs 18:22, which, in the ESV, tells us that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” And what about Adam? He had no imperfection when God gave him Eve.
A good marriage is one of the best things, possibly the best thing, we can experience this side of heaven. My wife often makes me happy. She blesses me richly. My marriage gives me meaning and direction. My wife is the greatest gift God has given me, second only to salvation.
To be fair, God uses everything and everyone in our life to make us more holy. And given how close and intimate the marriage relationship is, we should expect Him to use it more than anything else to grow us up. I just don’t like the idea that my wife was given to me to whip me into shape! Nor do I want it to be my job to do that for her.
That said, God very much uses my wife to challenge me and help me grow. I am a better man for having her in my life. I encourage her to be this in my life. I want her to tell me when she sees something that concerns her. I’m not asking her to be my mother, but I do want her to be my fellow disciple, learning how to live and follow Jesus better and better. I don’t expect her to fix me; that is my job. I do want her input on what she thinks might need to be fixed.
Finding the right balance on this can be tricky. And it’s a moving target, as it will change throughout your marriage. I would suggest discussing it from time to time. Do you want more input? Do you feel there is too much? What would be most helpful?
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well should accomplish both!
I asked Gemini to place a tuxedo cat in the image, and got this:
He likes his mice shaken, not stirred.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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