Podcast: https://bit.ly/4xIxdDs
One good way to improve the two becoming one in your marriage is to work on a shared vision. When you’re both working towards the same goal, things start to line up. Rather than trying to align preferences, you’re uniting on a purpose.
Sometimes life gives you a common goal. If you have children, raising them to be functional, decent adults should be something you both want.
The potential issue with this is you may have different ideas about how to raise your children. The solution is to focus on the goal. Who do you want your children to become? What do you think is important for them to know or have? Things such as a good work ethic or being able to think for themselves are pretty easy to agree on. Something like a love of reading is good, but it may be more about wanting them to be like you. Wanting them to be a football star or to love dance is trying to set their preferences, which is never a good plan.
Be it your child, a ministry, or where you want to live, work on getting to the same goal. This will require some give and take. Identify what is a strong desire and what is a weak preference, and work to hit the strongest ones. Also discuss how realistic each thing is and what it would take to make it happen. And of course, pray.
Once you have a common goal, then start discussing how to get from where you are to that goal. This is where your thoughts about how to do something can clash. See your spouse’s way as different, not wrong. Discuss the merits and potential difficulties. Perhaps try one way, holding the other in reserve if the first attempt doesn’t work well. Even better, look for a third alternative that is better than either, or acceptable to both of you.
Also seek advice. When Lori and I decided to travel by RV, we sat with friends who had done it and learned everything we could from them. I’m a big fan of learning what to do, and what not to do, from those who have been where I want to go and done what I want to do. Exposing your plans and theories to experience and reality will result in good changes if you are open to that. Do this early, before you’re set on a plan that may not be the best option.
~ This is Paul, and a shared vision is Doing Marriage Well.
Be it your child, a ministry, or where you want to live, work on getting to the same goal. This will require some give and take. Identify what is a strong desire and what is a weak preference, and work to hit the strongest ones. Also discuss how realistic each thing is and what it would take to make it happen. And of course, pray.
Once you have a common goal, then start discussing how to get from where you are to that goal. This is where your thoughts about how to do something can clash. See your spouse’s way as different, not wrong. Discuss the merits and potential difficulties. Perhaps try one way, holding the other in reserve if the first attempt doesn’t work well. Even better, look for a third alternative that is better than either, or acceptable to both of you.
Also seek advice. When Lori and I decided to travel by RV, we sat with friends who had done it and learned everything we could from them. I’m a big fan of learning what to do, and what not to do, from those who have been where I want to go and done what I want to do. Exposing your plans and theories to experience and reality will result in good changes if you are open to that. Do this early, before you’re set on a plan that may not be the best option.
~ This is Paul, and a shared vision is Doing Marriage Well.
Getting a steady flow of strawberries now.
Too many to eat, so we start freezing.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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