Podcast: https://bit.ly/3U51TQQ
Sex is literally the two becoming one flesh. While sex is neither the only nor the primary thing God meant by becoming one flesh, it’s certainly part of it. And all too often it’s a frustrating part.
In today’s world most folks reach puberty and sexual awakening a decade or more before they marry. This generally comes with some experience. Even in the church most men and women were sexual with someone, or multiple someones, before they met the person they married. Beyond that, there is experience with porn and mainstream media. And all of this creates sexual preferences and a sexual personality.
Unfortunately, a newlywed couple’s sexual preferences are often at odds. And as couples get married later in life, this is more common, and the differences are greater.
Few newlywed couples have what it would take to engage in a deep, calm discussion of sexual preferences. This makes early sex frustrating or difficult for one or both spouses. It may also leave one or both unsatisfied.
Generally one spouse, typically the wife, lets go of most of their preferences to make sex work. Of course it doesn’t really make it work. Perhaps their spouse is okay with it, but they are not. This can be a big part of a wife struggling with desire, arousal, and orgasm. She’s not getting what she needs for sex to be good for her, and what she is getting doesn’t work well, if at all, for her.
Often the person who has set down most of their preferences will push to exclude a couple of their spouse’s, which spreads the frustration around.
Because of all of this, many couples spend their whole marriage having sex that is barely okay for one of them and less than that for the other.
If you want better sex, getting there depends on your gender:
For the men:
It’s never too late to make a change. But to do that you have to be ready to let go of some of what you want and try new things. As sex is more difficult for women, the wise husband is quick to focus on what she prefers. Most men thoroughly enjoy their wife’s pleasure, so making it better for her is making it better for yourself.
For the women:
It’s never too late to make a change. But to do that, you have to be ready to be a bit more selfish about what happens in bed. Your hubby is easily aroused and can climax far more easily than you. His preferences make sex a bit better for him. Your preferences can be the difference between pleasure and frustration. Be bold about your pleasure, and know his pleasure will naturally follow yours.
And as always, if you need help, get help!
~ This is Paul, and Doing Sex Well takes effort.
If you want help with your sex life, consider The Marriage Bed Forum
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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