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I talk a good deal about how our past affects our present. Today I want to look at how the past can help or hurt our efforts to fix a damaged relationship.
There is a positive one I’ve alluded to several times this week. If you and whoever have a long history of a good relationship that blesses both of you, that should count for something. Think about the good times. Think about all times they were there for you. Think about when they went above and beyond for you. When I say think about, I mean take time to walk through those good memories. If you journal, write down three happy times. Don’t allow the current situation to overshadow years of love and care.
Are you really ready to throw the relationship away? Are you going to give up on the chance to fix it and have more of what you had in the past? Is restoring what you had worth some pain and effort? Is it worth some change?
Sharing some of those good memories with the other person may be a good way to change the mood and direction of the relationship.
The other side is the bad stuff in the past. Our brains tend to gravitate toward the negative. Every relationship has its low points, and when we’re hurting, it’s natural to enlarge past hurts. Challenge that. Recall how it was, how it really was. Recall how you moved past it, and how it stopped hurting. What did you do to move to healing? Was there a breakthrough? What got in the way of healing? Learn from the past.
Then we have “you always…”. Do they always, really? Or has it happened a few times? In the past, did you let it go without saying anything? Are you upset they are doing it “again” when you’ve never brought it up?
It may also be helpful to think of other relationships that ended because of problems. Once you got past the relief of ending it, did you regret doing so? Do you wish you had tried harder? Can you see ways you could have made it work?
Finally, if you have a number of broken relationships, you should ask yourself if you’re the common denominator. Are you pushing people away when they get too close? Are you unreasonable? Do you stop working to maintain the relationship? Do you keep choosing the same kind of broken people who will eventually hurt you? Are you choosing people you think need rescuing? Is that for them or for you?
As you look at the past, both the good and the bad, bathe it in prayer.
~ This is Paul, and “what have you done for me recently” is not Doing Relationships Well.
Heavy with seed, the sunflowers bow down.
Soon they will feed pigs, turkeys, chickens, and rabbits.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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