Podcast: https://bit.ly/46cdFeT
This week I want to talk about “Adulting”. By that I mean doing the things that need to be done, including at times hard things. “I can’t adult” is a humorous way younger generations express how hard it can be to do what needs to be done. But failure to adult has been around a lot longer.
A marriage where neither person adults well is going to be a messy thing. When it’s mostly one person, the other is likely very frustrated. Neither results in a healthy marriage.
Before I get too far into what it means to adult, I want to deal with unreasonable expectations. When I was young, you were expected to have a perfect house at all times, regardless of what was happening in your life. This put a lot of pressure on people, and especially on the wife.
What we should aim for is a balance. Sometimes life is crazy, and you have to let a few things go. Never going to bed with dishes in the sink is a great goal, but if you’re a slave to that, a good thing becomes a bad thing. And if your spouse expects you to do the dishes before bed even when you are physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted, that’s getting uncomfortably close to abuse.
The great thing is you have two adults in your marriage, and when one can’t do their part, the other can help out. Lori has been sick for more than a month, so I am doing most of what she usually does, plus taking care of her. I’ve been working on balance. Fortunately my wife is very reasonable. She doesn’t expect me to do things the way she would. Additionally, she has encouraged me to take care of myself, which includes sometimes letting something go for a while. For my part, I’ve done some things I don’t care about, or wouldn’t care about for another week or two, because I know doing them blessed her.
Adulting should be a joint effort in your marriage, and it should flow and shift as life changes. Saying “I can’t adult today” is an acceptable thing to say; as long as you don’t say it too often or expect too much when you say it.
~ This is Paul, and Adulting Well looks different for every couple.
We bought an old walk-in fridge. We will use it as a root cellar and for hanging pigs and deer.
It came in pieces, but we got it together, and the cooling unit works.
Image Credits: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & © Paul H Byerly
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