Podcast: https://bit.ly/4y1CTs5
Years ago Lori and I cared for my mom in her home with the help of hospice. We thought it would be one to four months. It was nine. Neither of us is sorry we did it, but it was difficult. We went into it determined it was not going to hurt our marriage, and we managed that well.
A big issue was making time for us. Mom was bedridden but needed things through the day. We could never guarantee half an hour uninterrupted. However, she was sleeping long hours and never needed help overnight. So we hit on a plan.
After she watched the ten o’clock news, we tucked her in, and then it was us time. We’d spend a couple of hours together, unwinding and staying connected. This meant we were late getting up but still got up before mom. I was self-employed doing landscape and irrigation and was able to shift my work time. So it was an odd schedule, but it was a good thing for us under the circumstances.
We got some grief from the “early to bed, early to rise” crowd. And it did mean I wasn’t able to work in the cool part of the day, or ever finish before the worst heat. But I felt my marriage was more important.
When you do things in an unusual way, you will get pushback. Some of it comes from well-meaning folks who assume what works for most people should work for you. Telling such people about your circumstances might talk them down; or it might not. Others will tell you that you are wrong. There is a right way to do it, and your way is not right. These folks don’t care about your circumstances. And these folks may hint, if not outright claim, that the way they think you should do it is God’s way. Not that they can show you a scripture to support that; it’s just one of those things “every good Christian knows“.
I want to encourage you to put your spouse and your marriage ahead of folks who think they know better. Tell them kindly, ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ If they don’t back off, tell them less kindly to drop it. Let them walk away muttering; their opinions aren’t your problem unless you allow them to be.
It’s your job to figure out how to do your marriage well, and that includes making changes to accommodate circumstances. If someone thinks you’re doing your marriage wrong, let them. Unusual circumstances can call for unusual solutions.
And yes, there are things that are wrong or always a bad idea. But that list is not nearly as long as some try to make it.
~ This is Paul, and a lot of folks told Jesus He was doing it wrong
Yet Another Sunset
Image Credits: First image © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 Second image © Paul H Byerly
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