Podcast: https://bit.ly/4hsGsRL
An assumption is something that you accept as true or take for granted without concrete proof or evidence. ~ Cambridge Dictionary
The truth is our brains tend to prefer assumptions, quick guesses, over long, thought-out decisions. If you’re in danger, a fast decision is more likely to save you than doing nothing while you ponder. But there are situations where a wrong assumption can be disastrous. So while our brains favour them, we need to be wise about where an assumption is okay, and where it’s not.
Marriage is a place where assumptions are more likely to cause problems than work for us. It’s exceptionally common to find a wrong assumption at the root of a fight, problem, or hurt feelings.
If a couple is able to express their thoughts and feelings well and freely, wrong assumptions rarely last and don’t usually cause much harm. This is why being able to communicate is so important. It’s also why having a regular check-in is useful.
When wrong assumptions persist, they tend to grow. An assumption can be like a log that gets stuck between two rocks on opposite sides of a small river. Other things get caught by the log, and eventually a makeshift dam appears. That alone can cause issues, and when it breaks, the surge of water, or emotions, can do damage.
May I suggest you get in the habit of checking every assumption you make about your spouse? A quick “Do you mean…” or “Are you thinking…” could save a lot of frustration – or worse. You can also go after potential assumptions by your spouse. Say something such as, “When I said ABC, did you think XYZ?”
We’ll be digging into this topic all week. I bet you assumed that!
~ This is Paul, and assuming is not Doing Marriage Well.
We had a mass escape, with five turkeys going over the wire and into the garden.
Fortunately they don’t run away like chickens. Got them all home and fixed the hole in the top.
Image Credits: First image © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 Second image © Paul H Byerly
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