Podcast: https://bit.ly/4rKuSGo
Let’s look at some reasons we make assumptions in our marriages.
Assumed Agreement: If you say something and your spouse makes no reply, it’s tempting to assume they agree with you. But they may not. They might not be paying attention to you. They might not agree but feel it’s not worth a potential argument. Ask yourself if it’s safe to disagree with you. Do you argue your point too strongly for your spouse’s liking?
Assumed Consistency: What we think and feel about things changes over time. This can even happen with big deal issues we feel strongly about. We assume our spouse’s thoughts and feelings are unchanged unless they have told us otherwise. Is this a fair assumption? Does your spouse go out of their way to communicate changes? Again, might they not want the likely argument?
Assumption Based on Mood: If your spouse is in a bad mood, you may assume they will not be interested in talking with you or doing something you would like to do with them. You might be right. And you might not. Maybe spending time with you is exactly what they need to shift that mood. And please, do NOT get upset at your spouse because you decided they would say no and never asked.
Insecurity-Based Assumption: Our own fear and doubt can bias our thinking about our spouse, leading to assumptions that are way off base. For example, if your spouse is quiet or distracted, insecurity whispers, “They’re pulling away, they’re tired of me, or I did something wrong.”
Assumed Similarity: This is thinking, “If I were in their shoes, I’d be mad.” But your spouse is a different person, and they may process things differently, faster or slower, or more or less reasonably than you do.
Assuming Intent: I’ve hit this one before, but it’s worth another mention. Assuming your spouse meant for what hurt you to hurt you is a bad plan. Assuming why they do anything is a good way to make a mess.
As I said yesterday, our brains are all about making assumptions. Fighting that can only improve our marriages.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Due to a cool, wet spring, only one of our first plantings of corn came up. And it was late.
It’s not full, but it is an ear of corn, and it was yummy.
Image Credits: First image © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 Second image © Paul H Byerly
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