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I was recently on a message board with a fellow who had a very narrow and very negative understanding of Christians. Several people posted evidence-based information to help him see there was more to it, but he rejected every attempt. He had an assumption and was not going to allow facts to change his view.

Most of us have biases and assumptions about the opposite sex. You hear it all the time in phrases such as “Men only want…” and “All women are…” The fact that most men are a certain way doesn’t mean your husband is. The fact that many women feel a certain way doesn’t mean your wife does.

Most of our gender assumptions go back to before we were married. Some came from one of our parents. Others we got from our friends growing up. Media can also play a part. Some of what you have accepted you would reject if it were given to you for the first time now as an adult. When you were young, you were looking for understanding and often accepted what seemed like knowledge without vetting it. You had less experience to help you see other possibilities and possibly peer pressure. Once those assumptions were made, they got locked away. We continue to think such things are valid, even though they were based on no real evidence.

Beyond that, what might have been true for most teenage boys may not be true for adult men. Likewise for teenage girls and women.

Challenging our assumptions is difficult because they are such an integral part of our thinking. It’s like a mathematical constant we’ve learned and don’t question.

One indication you have some wrong assumptions would be regular confusion or frustration between you and your spouse. Perhaps one of you is working with an understanding that is no longer true. Any time you have a disagreement, it’s wise to check your assumptions if you haven’t done so recently.

We can also wrongly assume our spouse is okay with, or willing to put up with, something. Or, perhaps that was true in the past but isn’t now. Or it’s not true under specific circumstances.

Living well with your spouse requires having the right information. Loving your spouse well also requires the right information. Limit assumptions, and check them regularly.

~ This is Paul, and working with wrong ideas gets in the way of Doing Marriage Well.

If you have ever lived on a county-maintained dirt road, you know what a beautiful sight this is.

No more WaShBoArD

Image Credits: First image © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 Second image © Paul H Byerly
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