by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 20, 2026 | concept
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4wjMRoE
My virtual pile of articles about sexual health has reached a tipping point, so I will do some of them this week.
I want to start by helping you understand how doctors deal with sexuality Or don’t deal with it. As I have mentioned in the past, most doctors receive virtually no training about sex. Beyond that, few will bring up the issue. If you need medical help for sexual issues, you will have to advocate for yourself, push a bit, and ask for referrals if you don’t get what you need from your GP.
There is growing interest in treating sexual issues. Unfortunately, much of that is done by individuals who don’t have as much training as they should. You have the full-on charlatans who sell “supplements” for every conceivable sexual malady. These folk just want your money.
A real concern is that so-called supplements can contain dangerous things. Many over-the-counter “sexual enhancement” supplements contain sildenafil, which is the drug in Viagra. So it might help you with ED, but it could also interact with heart and blood pressure medications, possibly causing dangerously low blood pressure. Exact numbers are impossible, but thousands have ended up in the hospital from taking sex supplements, and it’s guessed hundreds have died.
Then there is off-label prescribing. This is a valid thing that doctors do. Often it is based on good research that the FDA has not acted on yet. But it means there is less testing than with FDA-approved drug prescribing and no approved dosages, which makes it riskier. For example, there is a growing trend of prescribing testosterone for women. There is good science showing this can help menopausal women have increased sex drive. But it can also result in side effects that are permanent, including facial hair or an enlarged clitoris.
Other countries, such as Australia, have tested and approved testosterone formulations for women. But these are not available in the US.
There are places that specialise in providing off-label drugs for sexual health. Most of them are telehealth groups who never see patients in person. There is little or no screening for pre-existing conditions that would make a drug dangerous for an individual.
Because of the way our medical system is set up in the US, your options are sometimes limited. Bypassing your primary care doctor may be the only way to get a drug. But it also puts you at greater risk. If you do this, I suggest you let your doctor know what you are doing so they will know and can give you testing or monitoring you won’t get from the places that will provide you with the drug.
~ This is Paul, and better sex is not worth dying for.
Widget got her first trip to a dog-friendly coffee shop.
No, I did not get her a puppuccino.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 7, 2026 | concept, Freedom
Podcast: https://paulb5d.podbean.com/e/fully-known-fully-loved-the-marriage-gift/?token=c1ffed695ce6706e403aa4f450a5bc05
Following the freedom to be wrong, the second freedom that should exist in a marriage is The Freedom to Be Yourself.
This one is huge. Some folks don’t feel they can be fully themselves at work. And many feel the same way among friends. We connect, but we hold back some of our more unique bits. We did things in the past we don’t share. We avoid certain subjects because we fear, or know, others don’t agree with our opinions.
Your marriage should be a place where you can be yourself and speak your mind. That does not mean your spouse must agree with you, but it does mean they won’t judge or attack you for what you think.
If you haven’t caught on, I am a bit eccentric. (The phrase ‘a bit’ will give my wife a laugh when she reads this! (Yup)) I see things most don’t see and make connections most don’t make. One friend calls me the king of random. But what seems random to him is actually connected in my mind. My close friends know I am eccentric, but they don’t get all of it. I try to know my audience.
My wife, however, gets all of me, with very little filtering. And she accepts and loves me. I can’t say she always understands, but her love and acceptance are consistent.
Can you reveal all of yourself to your spouse? Do you encourage your spouse to reveal all of themselves to you? It is one of the best gifts you can give. You married your spouse because of the unique person they were. Accepting their oddities may take some effort, but it’s a blessing worth giving.
~ This is Paul, and every person looks different.
Here come the sunflowers!
These are black oil sunflowers, used to feed rabbits, chickens, and pigs. And they brighten up the yard.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Apr 20, 2026 | concept, Needs
Podcast: https://bit.ly/41MLb9p
It’s been a while since we talked about needs.
Let’s start by defining that word. I’m not talking about what you need to be alive. That list is rather short, and none of us would be happy having only what is on the list. We all desire more than to just exist. We want to live!
If I want to drive to town, I need gas. I live thirty miles from town, so walking is not really an option. If I want to turn a tree into firewood, I need some tools. Just as physical tasks require specific tools, relationships have needs. If I want a good marriage, I must meet various needs, just as my wife must do for me.
Relationships have needs, and when those needs are not met, the relationship suffers. If enough needs are left unmet, the relationship ends.
Let’s also deal with the “All you need is Jesus” idea. It’s a catchy slogan, but the Bible says something different. When Adam was sinless and walked with God, we are told it was not good that he was alone. Adam needed a human partner. God made us social creatures. We have needs that can only be met by other people. And with the exception of a few people God made different, we feel a need for one special person to share our lives with.
Entering into marriage means promising to be that special person for your spouse. It means we work at doing that and sometimes sacrifice to do it. We look for our spouse’s legitimate needs, and we meet them.
Before we move on, ask yourself, “What do I need from my spouse that I am not getting, or not getting in the amount I need?” Also ask yourself where your spouse may feel that way.
~ This is Paul, and meeting your spouse’s needs is part of Doing Marriage Well.
Widget meeting Max, the new pup on the property.
So far she has only got him knee-deep in the pond, but she will keep working on that.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Apr 13, 2026 | concept
Podcast: https://bit.ly/47WVlry
Sex does not end at fifty. Or sixty. Or even seventy. At least it need not.
This week I want to talk about Keeping Sex Good. These posts are aimed at folks over fifty, but if you’ve not reached that milestone, I suggest you read along. Some of this will be relevant as you get older, and if you tuck it in your brain now, you will have some awareness of solutions when one of these problems occurs.
Most of us are not nearly as informed about sex as we need to be. Most of us are pretty clueless about our spouse’s sexual organs and how they function. And some lack some basic information about their own bodies and how they function. No one taught us this stuff when we were young, and it’s not like the public library is offering a course on this for adults!
When problems occur, many turn to their doctor. I’m a fan of doctors, but most get almost no education about sexuality. A recent survey of graduating medical students found 85% had received less than five hours of dedicated sexual health education. When asked, they said they felt completely unprepared to deal with most sexual issues. If you get to a gynaecologist or urologist, the situation is better, but you have to get to them first.
Beyond this, I find most doctors won’t bring up the subject of sex. Because of a stroke, a blood condition, and turnover at the clinic we use for primary care, I’ve seen more than a dozen doctors in the last 6 years. Not one of them has asked if I have any sexual issues. This despite the fact two conditions I have can cause sexual issues.
The other place folks turn for help is the internet. There is some great information out there. There’s also information that is wrong and some that can be harmful. Verify and re-verify what you read. The same is true for books, as anyone can put one out today.
The rest of the week I will touch on some common issues for couples having sex after fifty. I will give some medical information, but I’m not a doctor. Take what I say to your doctor. If your PCP does not seem to have a good understanding of the issue, ask for a referral.
Most couples can continue to be sexual well past retirement. Don’t let a speed bump end sexual intimacy.
~ This is Paul, and age should not keep you from Doing Sex Well.
The incubator is getting crowded!
After candling the chicken eggs, which hatch in a few days, we are down to 18. And we are up to 9 turkey eggs, with more to come.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Mar 13, 2026 | concept
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4bGKGDq
Sexuality is full of counterproductive behaviours, and people seem especially unaware of them. Let me briefly touch on a few:
Word Choice: I think any words you and your spouse agree to use for sexual body parts and sex acts are fine. But many folks have sexual words they dislike or hate. Using a word your spouse dislikes is pushing them away. Undesired words could be slang words or curse words. But there are other words that can be problematic. Most men don’t want to hear their wife talk about their “pee-pee”, and some women are put off by words such as “moist” or “panty”.
Sexual Joking: Not “dirty” jokes, but rather joking about your sex life. If your spouse takes sex seriously, making a joke about it might be a turn-off. And joking about a sexual struggle can feel belittling. Using humour to cover rejection or embarrassment can also be problematic, and making a crack about frequency won’t be well received.
Unexpected Touch: Outside of sexual activity, many women and some men prefer not to be touched in a sexual manner. Reasons for this include past trauma, sensory sensitivity, feeling objectified, or the association of surprise touch with pressure for sex. Regardless of why, if it makes your spouse uncomfortable, that’s bad for your relationship and your sex life.
Unenjoyed Touch: There can be places your spouse does not want touched, even during sex. Or methods of being touched that they dislike. For example, some women find nipple play uncomfortable, annoying, or distracting. For such a woman, attention to the nipples during foreplay is a bad plan. Some men may feel the same way about having their penis touched at certain times during sex, or in certain ways.
After Talk: Asking “Did you climax?” right after sex is upsetting to some women. “How was it?” and other questions may also be unwanted. Few women want a recap, and no one wants to hear, “It would have been better if you had …” Stick to words of love, and discuss the mechanics of sex at another time.
Are you saying or doing things that put your spouse off sex? You might be, and not even know it. If you think it’s safe to discuss it, ask your spouse about it. Otherwise, be aware and look for signs you’re getting the opposite of what you want.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well looks different for every couple.
It didn’t stick, but we got some big flakes of snow.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Feb 2, 2026 | concept
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4aaHUVc
This week I want to talk about Valentine’s Day.
Saying that Valentine’s has become commercialised is as obvious as saying snow is cold. But should the greed of retailers dictate how we approach a day dedicated to love?
How did this day of love begin, and what can its origins teach us about celebrating today? Legend says Saint Valentine was a Roman priest who defied Emperor Claudius II, who reigned from 268 to 270 AD. Claudius supposedly banned marriage because he believed single men made better soldiers. In response, Saint Valentine performed secret marriages. When this was discovered, Saint Valentine was arrested, beaten and beheaded.
The meaning of Valentine’s Day has shifted significantly over time. However, for the last 800 years, its essence has consistently revolved around romantic love. To me, that seems like a good thing for a married couple to celebrate. At the very least, express your love. You can go big, stay home, or do anything in between, but please honour your spouse on a day dedicated to love!
Some folks feel they show love every day, and Valentine’s is nothing special. Okay, but does your spouse feel the same way? How our spouse feels is a big deal on Valentine’s Day, and if we get that wrong, it can cause hurt feelings, leading to resentment or damaging intimacy. That’s what I will be addressing the next two days.
I find there is a lot of gender difference on this topic, so I will address the guys on Tuesday and Saturday and the gals on Wednesday and Friday. Today and Thursday will be for both husbands and wives.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Valentine’s Well looks different for every couple.
We had weird areas of low fog along with normal clouds all day.
And yes, that field should be white with snow.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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