Paul and I couldn’t be more different.

He’s a risk-taker. I’m a homebody. He’s a fast processor. I’m on the slow side. He needs lots of projects going at the same time. I focus on a few at a time. And on and on and on.

We often laugh about it because in any given day we are having to navigate our many differences.

My point … different is not bad, it’s just what it is. People are who they are.

Make room for each other’s uniqueness. Learn to creatively live with it. Come up with workarounds. Take turns. Explore what it takes to live peaceably with each other and give each other a place to shine.

You’re both worth it.

Love each other well.

Y’all, thanks for being such a lovely community over the years. You are all beautiful gems. 🙂 I have enjoyed all the blogging years, but it is now a different season for me, and I leave you in good hands with Paul.

Love y’all bunches and bunches, Lori <><

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Image credits – couple sporting different socks © Svetlana / Adobe Stock, handing over heart © Andrey Popov / Adobe Stock
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An abuse history and living in a fallen world have given me a propensity for anxiety and fear.

It’s been the work of a lifetime to combat that. I’m rather hacked off at the enemy for his plans to make my life small through fear, and I battle it in any way I can.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Recently, a good friend of mine has been teaching a class on dealing with anxiety. It’s pretty amazing and it’s built around this book – The Anxiety Opportunity by Curtis Chang. (hint: Don’t stuff or deny anxiety, run to Jesus with it!)

I share this so y’all can pick up a copy and add it to your arsenal of fear-fighting tools.

Battle on in His name!

Frost heave is a real thing. The other morning we work up to a broken window. Our back porch railing got pushed up into our bedroom window and cracked a pane.

Thankfully, our son (who works in construction) had some extra windows. He and Paul spent the day replacing the window and redesigning the porch structure so that won’t happen again. Now we’re all toasty warm with a snowy view.

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Image credits – The Anxiety Opportunity book courtesy of © Amazon, snowy view from new window © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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As the blogging here is being taken up by my sweetie, Paul, at the end of the month, I thought I would share one of his recent posts.

BEYOND AVERAGE by Paul

Some folks worry about what’s average, and if they measure up.

Here’s the thing: the average person is overweight and not getting nearly enough exercise. The average Christian is falling short of what Jesus called us to do. The average number of lifetime sexual partners in the US is 10.7. And the average couple is deep in debt, too busy, too stressed, and has a forty percent chance of ending up divorced.

Most of what is average is unhealthy, wrong, and possibly sin. If nothing else, average is setting the bar way, way too low.

God calls us to be in the world, but not of it. What the world sees as average, acceptable, or even good is irrelevant. God calls us to way more. If your marriage isn’t great or moving that way, it’s not what God wants for you. I say that to challenge you, not shame you. An “okay marriage” is not okay with God.

If your marriage isn’t what it should be, what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to put in the effort to be kinder, more generous, and to give more grace? Are you ready to forgive and move on? Are you ready to seek help? We tend to think of getting help as something we do when it’s horrible. The reality is, improving is way easier than fixing.

Don’t be average, be extraordinary!

For those of you new to the blog, I live in rural Washington state, as do many of my friends. I came across this sign on the way to visiting some good friends.

Just as I pulled out my phone, a woodpecker landed on the tree and posed for me.

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Image credits – coffee cup © Ksenia Makagonova / Unsplash, woodpecker and signd © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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It’s been a tough week for me.

I’ve had a lot more face-to-face (or Zoom-to-Zoom) ministry. I’m learning more and more to let God shoulder the weight of the difficulties instead of trying to take them on myself.

I think my biggest take-away has been how our hearts cry out for the perfect world we were designed for, instead of the reality of this broken world.

There is a place in His presence for the comfort we need. A place where we can acknowledge the hurt that comes from a struggling marriage, the loss of someone or something important, or just our own failings or imperfect abilities.

This is kind of odd, but this is one of my favorite scriptures. It’s talking about death, but I think it would apply to any loss or struggle.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.  1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV

It makes room for grief, but draws our vision toward hope. This life, this season of difficulty, is not all there is. We have a hope in this life and in eternity.

So face the difficulties, grieve well, and lean into Him.

Ah, come on, Tilly. You’re taking this too far!

(Yes, that’s the ceiling in the background. The girl can climb.)

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Image credits – sad woman © Pixabay.com, Tilly climbing the walls © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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So Paul and I have been talking about upcoming changes to our ministry expression online.

He really likes the URL Doing Marriage Well. It’s a very holistic way of addressing marriage, all the different parts woven together to create the fabric of our marriages. There are some basic truisms about relationships, but much of what will grow our marriages is unique to us. Learning to do marriage well is an ongoing adventure.

That said, at the end of February, we are going to funnel all the various writings through Doing Marriage Well, with any written material additionally turned into a podcast. There will be some posts linked to on social media (not sure which ones just yet).

Fair warning, my husband has many words, so posts will be a bit longer than you are used to here. We hope to also add surveys (something we did in the past that folks enjoyed) and links to various resources.

It is a work in progress, so we really would appreciate your prayers and feedback as we go along.

We keep finding Tilly in strange places.

A bored Tilly is an exploring Tilly.

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Image credits – merging arrows © yalcinsonat / Adobe Stock, Tilly in the closet © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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I’m just finishing up QBQ by John G Miller. I try to read it at the beginning of each year, as it’s one of the more encouraging and challenging books I know. It’s small and doesn’t take much time, but it’s rich in perspective.

Its main message is one of personal responsibility. (Which fits nicely with doing marriage well.) And it all starts with asking the right kind of questions.

Asking “why” or “who” tends to lead to the blame game and doing little. Asking “how” and “what” makes for solutions that are doable and bring change. (“Who dropped the ball?” vs. “What can we do to fix this?)

Whether you read the book or not, may I encourage you to ask the kind of questions of yourself that lead to action and change?

It’s the doing that makes the difference!

It begins … 🙂

I just got the first of my ordered seeds – three different kinds of sweet corn (with shorter growing seasons because … Washington weather).

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Image credits – lots of questions © Gerd Altmann / Pixabay, seeds! © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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