by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 13, 2025 | Pray!
So praying, about sex? Is that even okay?
It’s a silly question, but I suspect you’ve felt that way at least a bit.
Peter Lombard, a theologian who lived in the 1100’s said “The Holy Spirit leaves the room when a married couple has sex, even if they do it without passion to make new virgins for the kingdom of heaven.” We are past that, but generally still fall short of God’s truth about sex.
God tells us to enjoy sex. He tells us to do with an abandon that is likened to being drunk. Surely God wants to hear from us about sex. He wants us to pray when sex is difficult, and He wants us to praise Him for good sex. (Yes, really!) We don’t have to be shy about talking to our Heavenly father about the sexual parts He gave us, or the wonderful things they can do.
Another thing that makes praying about sex difficult can be feeling what we want is not okay with God. What man can pray that God will make his wife engage in that sex act she hates? What wife can feel okay praying that God will take away her husband’s sex drive?
Prayer has a way of bring us into line with God’s will. That’s a good thing in general, and it’s especially good when it comes to sex.
~ This is Paul, telling you that Doing Sex Well is good with God.
The turkeys have moved out of the brooder.
And yes, one has claimed the food dish as a place to sleep. It’s a given.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 12, 2025 | Pray!
Today some tools to help you pray for your spouse.
Make it a point to start and end your day with prayer. In the morning, ask your spouse what they would have you pray for them for the day. Then pray it! If there is something important happening at a certain time, set an alarm on your phone to remind you to pray at that time.
At bedtime, thank the Lord for all the ways He blesses you, including the man or woman He gave you. Gratitude is good for us, and gratitude for our spouse is good for our marriages.
Beyond that, use pray-by-the-day to cover important aspects of your spouse’s life every week.
- Sunday pray for their Spiritual walk
- Monday pray for his or her Moods and Mental health
- Tuesday pray for your spouse’s Thought life
- Wednesday pray for their Weaknesses to be healed
- Thursday pray for his or her Time usage
- Friday pray for their Friendships
- Saturday pray for his or her Sexuality
~ This is Paul, telling you that praying for your spouse is Doing Marriage Well.
A picture I took on the Oregon coast a couple of years ago
Because it’s been too long since I’ve been there, and it’s hot here!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 11, 2025 | Pray!
When I am frustrated with my wife, I would like my first response to be praying “Lord, what am I doing wrong?”
That has never been my first response. But it’s moving up the list as I become wiser.
I am not suggesting by this that I think Lori is always right. Or that women are more often right. I think a woman should speak the same prayer.
I am responsible to God for what I do and say. Even if my wife is wrong, I’m accountable for any unkind word I speak, or any rude action I take. And the whole log and speck thing means God expects me to deal with myself first, even if I know it’s mostly her.
Proverbs 15:1 tells us that “A soft answer turns away wrath”. It also warns us that “a harsh word stirs up anger”. Dealing with any fault in myself and praying to be loving is the wise way to deal with any problem. Even if I am completely in the right.
I will confess that all too often I react with anger or defensiveness rather than love and grace. Again, I’m getting better. But I still have a ways to go.
When I stop to pray first, disagreements and arguments go so much better.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well is easier when you pray!
Found this fellow going walk-about at the top of our driveway. I suspect he was moving from a drying up pond.
I moved him to our pond, which stays wet all year.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 10, 2025 | Pray!
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. ~ 1 Peter 3:7 ESV
I wonder how many husbands believe this passage. Many certainly don’t act as if it’s true. And while it’s not stated in the text, I suspect something similar is true for women.
With that for you to think about, a bit of a tangent. As today is her birthday, I want to honour the woman God gave me. In the early years, I had my share of “God change my wife” prayers. But now I thank God for her daily. My life is so much richer and better because I share it with Lori. She has helped me become who God wants me to be, and blessed me in so many ways.
“Who can find a virtuous woman?”
Me, I did.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for you than for Lori and me.
The wild roses are blooming!
We live in a beautiful place!
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 9, 2025 | Pray!
This week, I want to talk about prayer.
Prayer should be a big thing in our marriages. That should include praying for God to help us be better spouses, praying for our spouse, and praying together.
A lot of men struggle to pray out loud. Prayer has always felt very private to me. Blessing a meal, sure, but I had to push myself to do it with my wife. If you’re like this, husband, push through it. If wife, your husband is like this, give him some grace.
I am convinced prayer changes things. What it most often changes is the one who is praying. I’m not discounting miracles here. Besides, changes to the one praying can be a miracle!
“God change my spouse” is a common prayer, and an understandable one. I think “God make my spouse the way you want him or her to be” is a better prayer.
~ This is Paul, telling you that Praying Well looks different for every couple.
Widget says, “The people combined swimming with retrieving…”
“Best puppy day ever!”
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