by PAUL BYERLY | Jun 18, 2026 | Perception
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4eyQAXG
Yesterday we looked at a common wrong image men have of their wives. Today a common false image women have of their husbands.
More than once I’ve heard a woman with two children say she has three children to care for, putting her husband into the child category. It’s usually said in a joking way, but it’s not a joke. At least in part it’s how she sees her husband, and that false view is hurting him, their marriage, and their children. Besides, it’s disrespectful to tell people your husband is childish.
Other women are more blunt, calling their husband a “man-child”.
I realise the Peter Pan Syndrome is a real thing. But I’ve seen women say this about men who are competent, able, and respected. If she’s the only one who sees him as childish, odds are it’s her.
A slightly less horrible way this idea is shared is by saying, “The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.” I think this one shows the real issue behind women finding men to be childish. Many men will set aside life’s worries and have fun even when there are real problems that need to be addressed. Many women see this as not being serious about the problems.
There are a couple of gender differences at play here. First, personality studies have found men as a group score higher on measures of playfulness. Because of this, men are more likely to use humour or playful activities as a temporary coping mechanism. Second, women have higher levels of daily stress. So a wife may see things as being worse than her husband does. These things mean men are more likely to take some time to play even when things are difficult. If they come back to the problems, likely feeling better able to confront them, it’s all good.
I found a number of articles advising women how to deal with a man-child or Peter Pan husband. But very few of those articles made any attempt to challenge the woman’s perception. Yes, such men exist. But some women who accuse their husband of such things are wrong. If your husband is not doing what he needs to do, that’s a problem. If you’re upset he isn’t tackling a task the way you would, that’s not a failure. If he gets it done, how he acts along the way shouldn’t be an issue.
All that said, if his approach causes you a good deal of trouble, it would be good to talk about that. Start by telling him it’s you, not him. Then ask if he can somehow reassure you before he takes a mental health break that he is aware of the problems and will deal with them.
~ This is Paul, and seeing your husband clearly is Doing Marriage Well.
Caught some turtles getting some morning sun.
The camera click sound from my phone sent them into the water.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Feb 6, 2026 | V-Day
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4abpgfS
On Wednesday I said there was another reason many men dislike Valentine’s Day. That reason is sex. Or more specifically, not having sex. I’ve heard from a lot of husbands who say it’s been a decade or two since they had sex on Valentine’s Day.
Given it’s a day about romantic love, sex seems like an obvious activity to men. I realise most men feel that way about sex every day, but I don’t think it’s invalid to expect sex as part of the celebration on February 14th.
“Expect” – that word’s the problem, isn’t it? That expectation can make it more difficult to want, have, or enjoy sex. It can feel like a demand, something the woman has to do to prove her love. It’s kind of how a lot of men feel about Valentine’s; they have to do certain things to prove their love!
Tomorrow I will talk to the men about why their expectation of sex, and/or frustration over not having it, is bad for their marriage. But today I want to encourage you to do something sexual on Valentine’s Day if at all possible. If it will bless him and make him feel loved and cared for, isn’t it a good thing to do? Even if it’s a bit difficult?
That said, make it easy for yourself. If being aware he is waiting and worrying will make your day difficult, have sex when you wake up. If you’re up for it, offer him a Valentine’s quickie. Or offer your hand. When he’s done, tell him you love him and hug for a while. Joining him in the shower is another good choice. It’s also an easier way to do oral, if you want to give him that.
Most men’s ultimate V-Day sex would be full sex before going out for dinner. I realise that’s a bigger ask. Do what works for you. Push yourself some for him, but don’t hurt yourself. If you want to climax, you should. And he will enjoy the sex even more if that happens.
If years of pressure have made sex on Valentine’s just too difficult, you could give him a sex coupon or two. It tells him you thought of it and want to bless him. One of our Valentine’s Coupons is perfect for a sexual gift.
~ This is Paul, and Valentine’s Sex looks different for every couple.
This is good for at least half an hour…
I put some peanut butter inside, then force in a hard treat.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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by PAUL BYERLY | Apr 16, 2025 | False Peace
Today I want to speak to the ladies, because I see common gender issues when dealing with false peace.
Men tend to take what their wife says at face value. If she says it’s fine, then it’s fine. He either ignores, or more likely doesn’t hear the strain in her voice or see the tension on her face. Men are generally not as good at empathy, and they miss things every woman in the room would see. If you have said or thought “He must know” please understand there is a very real chance he has no clue. He’s not ignoring your pain, he honestly doesn’t see it.
BTW, telling your girlfriends the truth about how you feel is not going to help hubby see the truth! I’m all for wise counsel, but if you get help from others who make the same wrong assumptions you make, all you’re doing it strengthening your wrong beliefs.
The other thing is, husbands often practice false peace over sex. Even men who don’t do it in other areas may do it here.
There are a couple of reasons for this:
- He is conflicted about his sexual desires. Maybe he knows porn has messed him up. And society has messed him up, telling him all men are potential sexual monsters. He’s not sure if what he wants is okay, so he downplays or hides his real desires.
- He is afraid of losing what he has. Sex is not what he wants, or as often as he wants, but he fears that if he pushes for more his wife will get upset and the end result will be less.
Given you are more emphatic, if he is engaged in false please over sex, you probably have some clue. If this is the case, don’t let him keep living in that. I realise you may have no desire for change, but false peace always hurts a couple in the long run.
~ This is Paul, warning you that Doing Marriage Well sometimes looks different for men and women.
Lori and I had an hour to kill in town before we met friends for dinner, and we found this place:
They get cats from the local shelter and set up adoptions. The cats play in a large area with toys and cubby holes, and you can set up time to hang with them. They have placed over 2,000 cats in five years. And the coffee was good!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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